Thursday, July 30, 2015

Busy Minds

Do you ever feel like your mind just wont turn off?! That's how I have felt the past few days.  I'm not having racing thoughts, just an overload of thoughts. I'm constantly overwhelmed with everything I "HAVE TO DO" and feel so defeated when i cant get it done.  Today, I'm taking the morning off. That means there is no workout for me today, there is only the time to sit with my thoughts, to organize them, and to plan things out so I'm not overwhelmed- as much.  Yes, yesterday i posted about how things cant always go my way or according to plan, but that doesn't mean that i shouldn't make plans.  My planning today is centered around workouts for each day. With a ton of races coming up in the fall, I want to make sure that my body is in top shape and I don't have that as an excuse to justify a bad race.  There will be bad races, that is a part of life.  Every race cant be my best, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't train and try my hardest. 

I am a list person, a calendar person, a write it down and check it off kind of person.  I need to feel that little bit of accomplishment when I have completed something.  Today, I am planning out my running schedule for the next two months. My days are busier now though, so i need to plan accordingly.  I need to get out of bed and hit the pavement and not make excuses and push off a workout (kind of what I'm doing today).  I constantly find myself complaining about not being where I used to be, not having as strong of a pace when I run, having a weak yoga practice, feeling pain from being out of shape-  but I am not being as proactive as I should be to fix those things so that I don't have a reason to complain. 

That changes today.  There is not time like the present.  When you do something different and make a change, you can find yourself going out of your comfort zone, and my friends, when you leave your comfort zone, that is where some positive changes can happen.  


I spent the last 11 years drinking my life away- I had periods of sobriety, but numbing my mind with alcohol was comfortable. I didn't have to deal with my life. But I made my life hard and much more complicated then it ever needed to be.  Getting sober was not in my comfort zone, but I took the leap, I white knuckled it for a bit, and now I work a program of sobriety.  I went out of my comfort zone and the changes have been amazing. My life is getting better than I ever thought it could be.  There was a point in my drinking when I thought I was destined to die drunk and alone.  Now, i get to live, I get to laugh, I get to wake up, work out, go to work, be loved and love back.  Those are just a few things that I have gained- all because I went out of my comfort zone.  



I still have a lot of things to work on.  I have a lot of areas that are comfortable for me, and not necessarily good for me.  Slowly i am taking steps, reaching out, branching out, letting go. 

I had a whole different idea for today's post, but somehow, I've strayed from that topic.  Anyways, im going to go write up my running/workout schedule.

If anyone needs a workout routine, a training schedule or advice, please feel free to email me :) I would love to help.  liveforfitnessllc@gmail.com


Questions for you:

What do you do when you can't turn your mind off?

How has going out of your comfort zone positively impacted your life?

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Whats Stopping You??

In my last post, i talked about facing life and going out of your comfort zone. Something that is not very easy for me.  I love structure and routine.  I like having things planned ahead- to the very last detail and minute. Sure, I can be easy going and one who "goes with the flow" but when doing so, my mind is having a mini panic attack. When things don't go my way, or the way i think they are supposed to go, i shut down, i give up, i cry.  I can revert to the behavior of a six year old.  Why do i act this way, why do i give up and shut down?  What is stopping me from moving forward and letting go?

Fear. 

I like things orderly and planned so that i don't have to worry about the unknown.  The unknown scares me- because i have no control over it.  I like control.  It's comfortable- it's part of my comfort zone. I like knowing when and where i am going to be eating ahead of a meal time- that way i can prep my mind for the menu, for the calories, and for the pep talk i have to give myself that eating is okay.  I need my Garmin watch to work properly at all times and to track my pace and mileage. I need to know exactly how far i have gone and at what pace so i can figure out what i need to work on to improve. 

Everything i just mentioned, doesn't always happen.  If I show up to an event with a group of friends who decide to go out to eat somewhere I've never been, then i have to go with the flow, or i can be anti social and no fun and go home.  Technology isn't perfect, GPS systems can fluctuate or have malfunctions, i can make errors and not hit start when i thought i did, but i need to learn that its okay.  I'm running and that's what matters.  I got up off my couch and hit the pavement.  That's more than others can say. 

My comfort zone may feel safe and having everything planned out may be comforting; however, its not always good for me.  I put myself in a position to melt down, to freak out, to give up.  I expect so much from myself that i forget how to enjoy the moment and live in the now.  To appreciate what i can do. And to be grateful for all that i have. 

I don't really know where i was trying to go with this post.  I guess i just needed to get my thoughts down.  I'm able to look at what I've written and reflect. 

This past week i was out on a run and my Garmin didn't unpause- it was my fault.  And i gave up.  I was stuck in my head.  I forgot to be grateful for the fact that i can still get up and run.  

Today, i registered me and my fiance for 2 races in September.  The Brigg's & Al's Run and Walk - its on September 19th and we will be running the 8K and the Brewers Mini Marathon + 10K on September 26th- running the 10K.   My goal is to run in 1 or 2 races per month, every month.  If i am going to do that, i need to remind myself to stay grateful and not take advantage of the fact i can run.  My knees are slowing deteriorating and surgery is a possibility on the not to far horizon, so i need to appreciate what i have while i have it. 


Questions for you:

What do you do when you feel down or in a funk?

Are you racing anytime in the near future?

What can you do today to get out of your comfort zone?

What are 5 things you are grateful for?

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Food for thought

Today, im writing with an open mind.  I normally sit down with a topic or event I want to write about; today, i don't have one.  This morning, I had a long talk with my best friend.  It was one that left me feeling emotional and deep in thought.  What do i want from this life? What are my dreams? Why do i hold on to things that hurt me? How can i be a better friend to all? Whats the rush?  Those are just a few things on my mind, among many others.  However, these are things that i need to pause and reflect on- and then take action to change. 

I, like many people i know, have found myself many times saying "this isn't what i had planned for my life- i should have this and that by now and be doing something different"  But guess what, life doesn't always go as we plan.  There are trials and tribulations, there is love and heartbreak, there is success and failure.  We have to take the good with the bad.  Often i choose to get stuck on the negatives in my life and not focus on what the positives could be. Everything that happens is a growing experience and something that i can take at least one positive from.  

For example, i miscarried in May. Yes, it sucks, it hurts and its hard to deal with. I can choose to stay stuck on those negatives or i can find something positive. What is positive about something so sad? Well, it brought me and my fiance closer, it strengthened my relationship with my higher power, and it gave me the chance to work on my mental and physical health so that i can be ready to have a baby when God decides the time is right. 

Sometimes its hard to find the light in the dark, but if you don't seek that light, you will never find it. Being stuck in a miserable state of mind is not fun, trust me, I've been there. Disconnecting yourself from things you love as well as the people you love and who love you is very lonely and sad.  I lost myself the past few years and am slowly learning to reach out to others, connect to my loved ones, find what i love to do, and learn its okay to be happy. I am beginning to find myself again.

I constantly tell my clients, change happens when you go out of your comfort zone.  Today it was pointed out to me that I should try to leave my comfort zone.  Comfort zones are just that- comfortable.  But they are also a place where i don't challenge myself or grow.  Its okay to retreat to my couch here and there, but to set up camp and live on my couch is not acceptable. I want to be a constantly growing person- mentally, emotionally, intellectually! But im not going to grow if im sitting at home all day isolating myself from those who love me. 

Today, i ask all of you to find the positive.  To go out of your comfort zone.  To take a chance.

Questions for you:

What do you find helps you the most when you feel stuck or down?

How often do you reach out to others when you need help?

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Run Fun

I've been really behind in reading my emails the past month- well i haven't really read them since mid June. oops.  Unless i know its something that is urgent and needs to be read right away, I've let things sit on the back burner. i subscribe to a few blogs so any time there is an update, i get sent an email. Normally i read them right away as they provide me something to think about or some motivation to get up and be active.  One that i subscribe to and LOVE is Hollie's (@FueledbyLOLZ).  


Hollie's blog provides me with constant motivation, running gear updates and someone i can relate to on many levels.  I do not know her personally, but i consider her one of my role models and someone i look up to, especially in the running world. 



In a past blog of her's, a survey and training, she posted a fun survey that she had gotten from a blog she follows.  So i decided i would have some fun and "take the survery" as well!  I would love to know what you would answer to the questions! You can email me your survery at liveforfitnessllc@gmail.com or you can comment on the bottom!  Lets have some fun and learn about our fellow runners :)



Would you rather run along a beach path or a mountain trail?



I would rather run on a beach path.  When i was in high school, my Swim team would take a trip every other summer to Fort Lauderdale for an international swim meet and for a week of training.  Part of our training was getting up every morning at 5am before heading to the pool at 6 to get get in a 3 mile beach run.  The run would start on the sidewalk along the beach and we would end with sprinting in the the sand on the beach outside of our hotel. It was such a workout running in the sand and i absolutely loved it!



We trained at the International Swimming Hall of Fame and ran the beach right outside the pool :)


If you could choose the flavor of Gatorade at your next race's aid stations, what would it be?



I would love if they had strawberry-kiwi - however, i think that flavor was discontinued years ago.  I'm not a huge Gatorade person, but when i am racing i do choose the Gatorade instead of the water at the aid stations. 



If given a $100 gift card to a running store, what would be the first thing you would purchase with it?



Last year, i won a $50 gift certificate (from placing 3rd in a 5K) to Performance Running Outfitters, probably the best running store in the Milwaukee area. I immidiatley went and got my CEP calf compression sleeves.  If i won $100 i would either get a new pair of running shoes, or i would stock up on Feetures socks, cliff bars, and get some arm compression sleeves. 



Do you prefer to follow a training plan or wake up and decide how far and how fast you want to run?


When i am training for a run, i will make a training plan and do my best to stick to it; however, life is messy sometimes and plans cant always be followed to the exact.  The last half i ran in June, i had a training plan set but i didnt follow it the way i had planned.  Or at all for that matter.  See Summerfest Rock N Sole for details.  When i do not have a race coming up, i just wake up and see where the day takes me.  Some days i have goals of a ten mile run and once i start running i realize 5 is the limit for me.  I tend to average 3-5 a day when i do run.  I would like to make my daily runs become longer and more consistent but i am battling severe knee pain and am currently looking into getting an MRI done on my knees to see how my cartilage levels are - or if im on the verge of having no cartilage left :/ Knee issues run in my family, so i have been aware that i would possibly one day have issues as well. 

Would you rather start you run with the uphill and end on the downhill or start your run with the downhill and end with the uphill?

I would actually like my run to start on a flat service then go uphill and finish on a downhill.  I feel when i finish downhill after an uphill, especially in a race, i pick up my pace and feel more motivated to finish strong.  Something about having my legs go from feeling dead on the uphill to all of a sudden free on the downhill. 

When you can't run, what type of cross-training do you choose to do?

So many things!! Check out my Instagram to see all that im involved in! I do everything from swimming, yoga, weight-lifting, jump rope.  All of it!! I play softball on Sundays and that helps add a little workout for me too!  I just love being active and fit! 

Sample of some of my Yoga Practice

What is your preference--> Out and back, point to point, or loop runs?

It all depends on my mood.  When i run on the east side, its all over the place.  The way i run down there, if not along the lake, is green light to green light.  I just follow the cross walks that let me continue running.  Otherwise, where i live now, i like out and back, its easier and just more familiar to me. When i am not running outside, I'm tread training or cross training. 

If you could recommend ANY running related item to a new runner, it would be-->

I'm going to have to quote @FueledbyLOLZ here and say "A good pair of running shoes, that's all you need to run"  

I would also suggest a good distance tracking device. I love my Garmin watch, but the Nike+ app that you can download on your phone is one that i use as well. Both are great for tracking mileage and pace. 

Do you ever see any wild animals while out on your runs?

Depends on where I'm running. I see the typical bird, squirrel, chipmunk etc. Very rarely do i see anything more wild than that.  I have seen a few deer on my runs but that's the most "wild" I've seen while out running. 

Ever gotten lost while on a run?

A few times, but since I'm home now, i guess i wasn't really lost, just confused on where i was for a little bit ;)  I just consider it an adventure. 

If you could have one meal waiting and ready for you each time you got home from a run for the next 30 days...what would that meal be?

A lot of the time while im running, i think about chocolate milk.  Id like an endless supply of chocolate almond milk in my fridge, salads from whole foods salad bar, and maybe a cheese burger here and there :)

Capris or shorts...what do you run in most often?

SPANDEX!!! Nike Pro Spandex Shorts! Its my go to.  You will not find me running in capris unless it is absolutely freezing outside or i have a pile of laundry i haven't gotten to yet.

At what mile (or how many minutes) into your run does your body start to feel like its warming up and ready to go?

Depending on my run- if im going into a run only planning to run 3-4 miles, im going to go at a faster pace and will feel my body getting into groove at mile 1.5/2  if im going a longer run, normally 25 minutes or 4 miles is where i start to feel my body fall into groove and say, okay i got this lets not quit. 

What do you do with your key when you run?

When im running outside, i have it looped into a hair tie, and i wear that on my wrist with a few other hair ties over the key to hold it down and not distract me.  If my fiance is home while i go on a run, and isnt running with me, i leave my key at home.  When im at the gym, i keep a locker key on me and my house key in my gym bag, locked in my locker. 

If you could relive any race that you have done in the past, which one would it be?

I would actually go way back- to 2003.  Junior year of high school when i won the 800m at indoor conference.  I remember finishing that run and saying to my dad:
"I dont understand how people can do drugs, i feel so high on life right now"

wow...if only i had remembered that later in life- but that's a whole other story. 

What is your least favorite type of run?

One where i am lacking hydration, fuel and am injured. 

What has been your biggest motivation lately to get out the door to get your run on?

Reading blogs from fellow runners, my fiance, the dream of getting pregnant again and carrying to full term and having a fit and healthy pregnancy.

When you go for a run, do you leave right from your front door or do you drive somewhere to start?

I leave right out my front door! (unless im heading to tread train).

When running in daylight--> are sunglasses a must or an annoyance?

I have never run in sunglasses.  I feel i would find them beyond annoying. I have recently started to run in a hat, even on non sunny days and have really enjoyed my hat.  For other reasons, if i wear the brim low enough, i can only see about 5-10 feet in front of me and when i hit big hills, i just have to think "one foot in front of the other" instead of focusing on a massive hill in front of me. 

When you get tired, what keeps you from quitting.

I think of my fiance encouraging me to push forward and continue.  He is the most amazing person in my life and that keeps me going.

questions for you:

Answer any or all :) would love to hear about your running!! 

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

#1MillionMinutes

This week was the kick off for #SweatPinks journey to #1MillionMinutes!! 

What is that you ask?! Only an amazing movement, bringing people together- inspiring, motivating and encouraging healthy activity! So get moving!!  Check it out, sign up, and motivate those around you:)  

I love being an ambassador for #SweatPink and a part of the community.  I have been part of the #SweatPink family for over a year now.  I am constantly being challenge and encouraged to take positive strides in my fitness and health through this community.  The challenges that i get to be a part of are amazing- Just like the #1MillionMinutes challenge! I encourage all of you to sign up and get active! This is an all summer long event and its never to late to start your journey to a healthier fitter life style. 

One of my goals for #1MillionMinutes is to get in 60minutes or more of activity every single day! Even if its just going for a long walk, its being active.  If you are new to fitness or not sure what to do for physical activity please feel free to email me with questions or for help with a workout! ( liveforfitnessllc@gmail.com ).  Even gardening is active! So go plant some healthy vegetable and log those minutes!  My other goals are to train for another half marathon, to log 500+ miles before the end of August and to race 3-4 more times before the end of august- from 5ks-half marathons.  I love the adrenaline rush.  Another goal i have is to dive deeper into my yoga practice, hold poses longer and deeper, gain flexibility and to challenge myself.

The past week, i have started to attend more yoga classes and really get into my practice. I have felt more of an excitement for being active compared to a few months ago.  My depression is getting better, but its not gone.  I have only run once since my half marathon and am working to change that.  I have so much trouble getting out of my head.  That is another reason i love the #1MillionMinutes challenge- it gives me a reason- a purpose- to get out of my head, to get out and run, to get on my mat and practice.  

There is a running store in my area that hosts all types of running events.  Every thursday, they meet at a local public track and have an hour practice.  I have yet to get there, but tomorrow im off so im making it a goal to be there, to be social and to be active!  Im also making it a goal to start getting up early and instead of sitting around, get out and run.  I have found that an eaerly morning run helps improve my mood through out the day. 

Running is my medicine.  My therapy.  My time to reflect, pray and sort through my head.  Its time i start doing more for me that is good then dwelling in the bad. 

Thats all i have for today.  As always, #LiveForFitness
Until next time
 

QUESTIONS FOR YOU:

WHAT ARE YOUR FITNESS GOALS? DO YOU HAVE A PLAN TO HELP YOU REACH THEM?

WHAT IS THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE STANDING IN YOUR WAY AND HOW TO YOU PLAN TO MOVE PAST THAT?


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Summerfest Rock N Sole Half Marathon

This past Saturday, i had ran in the Summerfest Rock N Sole half marathon in downtown Milwaukee, WI.  The finish line is on the Summerfest grounds and the race occurs a week before the kick off Summerfest.  I look at the race like the ground breaking of summer. In March, after my fiance and I ran the St Pats 5K, our first race together and his first race ever, we decided we felt motivated enough to sign up for the half marathon.  When signing up you have the option to race a 5K, Quarter Marathon or the Half Marathon.  We saw that we had enough time for me to develop us a great training program and get prepared for the half so we went all in! 

Little did we know that life was going to hit us, things were going to get hard, and training was going to be placed on the back burner.  I developed a great training program for us, i had the schedule on the fridge, what we would be doing on our days of cross training planned out to the T, and i was motivated and ready! 

(if you need a training schedule or have fitness questions please email me! LiveForFitness@gmail.com)

We stuck to the training program for about 2 weeks. Then i found out i was pregnant, which explained why i had been feeling so worn out and unable to workout.  I let pregnancy get the best of me.  I gave into the lethargic feelings, i embraced the couch, i grew more depressed.  I would look in the mirror and complain- Im Getting Fat (in reality i stayed the exact same weight), im ugly, im no good.  The usual self loathing comments.  Non of it was true, but im the type of person who will mentally become fixated on something, turn a thought into a fact and then get pissed off or depressed. 

Things got harder, training became an idea instead of a must do.  Laziness was my queen and depression was my king.  Positive Mental Attitude was not a strong suit of mine.  But after all that happened (read link above ^ ) i finally picked myself up.  I started to take action.  Some days its a lot harder then others, and if all i do is get in a run and watch some Netflix, hey its a good day! Other days, i can be motivated and accomplish my entire to do list.  

My training still suffered though, i halfheartedly resumed it, but i ran a total of 18 times between march 17 and june 12 (day before the race).  That is not much for training- its running 3 weeks of a 12 week training schedule- and running sporadically and inconsistently.   It takes 2 weeks for your body to fall out of shape, 8 weeks to start to get back into shape.  Its safe to say, im still getting back into shape.  My training felt weak, my asthma felt like it was back (and it is). The endurance and speed i had built over the past few years was gone.  This was the longest I had gone with out working out consistently and maintaining a solid base.  

The Thursday before the race, i took a hot yoga class.  I loved it! I could feel the after affect in my shoulders and a bit in my legs the next day, but i felt great. I was finally able to do a full camel pose, and ive planned to start attending this class regularly.   My yoga practice has helped my running and mindset in the past, so i need to add that back into my life.  Especially for the ease of mind and serenity practice brings me.  That evening, i picked up my race packet and the nervous jitters started to set in! Friday night, i didn't sleep very well.  I was to nervous and overly anxious and just playing mental games with myself.  The dreaded "coulda woulda shoulda" game. One that has no benefit to keeping a positive mental attitude and that i am working on shutting down permanently. 

Race day finally arrived!! We left the house around 5:40am and parked downtown by 6:15am. We got to the starting line village (thats what it was called) by 6:30.  A friend of ours was also running the half so the 3 of us decided we would run together.  I was seated in coral B, Ryan in coral C, and Paul in coral E.  You are allowed to move back a coral but not forward.  So, we moved back to run with Paul.  Best decision i made!  
                                          Instagram photo by katielynn_grace - These two guys- they were the reason I could do the half marathon. I went into the run with basically no training- many life things had happened that made me lose my passion for running.  @sizzle_bean I love you so much. Thanks for being my rock. Ryan, thanks for setting our pace and getting us psyched up!  #raceday #rocknsole #summerfest #halfmarathon #friends #fiancĂ© #faith #fun #run #running #runner #athlete #motivation #smile #believeinyourself #justdoit #borntorun #liveforfitness

The start of the race, being a bit further back, we had a lot of traffic and congestion to deal with.  Our first mile started out pretty slow, i noticed and told the guys we should pick up the pace a bit.  We had a great time running together.  Having those 2 next to me, kept me out of my head, smiling and motivated to keep going.  The route for the half is awesome- the lake front is shut down, we get to run on the Hoan bridge- also shut down to traffic.  Its just so awesome that so many people come together to run, i cant help but smile!
             

When we reached mile 7, we start to go up layfette hill- the hill i did my "Hill Training" on the last 2 summers.  I decided- stupidly, to try and sprint up that hill.  Game over.  My asthma decided to come with me.  At mile 8 i could no longer breathe with ease and my mental game was weak.  I stopped to walk.  Paul looked at me and said "No" and i motioned for him to go ahead, that i would catch up.  And i did catch up, only to give up.  I was not mentally in this anymore.  I let myself drop back.  Mile 10 i started to feel my right knee throbbing and was having intense pain in the arch of that foot as well, with the pain running up to my Achilles.  My form changed and i was limping.  At 10.5 i pulled over to try and massage my knee.  A woman ran by and gave me a biofreeze packet! THANK YOU! I started to try and get my mental game back but the pacers for 2hours had passed me and i had internally given up.  I was crying- silent tears, and ran the rest of the way with my head down.  I felt discouraged, weak, like a failure, in pain and couldn't breathe. But, i finished! I finished and i had no baseline of training behind me. 




Summerfest Rock'N Sole - HALF MARATHON
BIB
1450
 
KATELYN O'NEILL
GREENDALE, WI
Female / 29
Placed in Female 25-29
 
 
 
 
 
 
Division
166
Gender
706
Overall
1547
FINISH Time
FINISH Net2:05:17
FINISH Gun2:05:17
LocationNet TimeClock TimePacePace Between
Start00:00
5K29:3329:339:30 /mi
8:53 /mi
10k57:1057:109:12 /mi
9:16 /mi
15K1:25:581:25:589:13 /mi
10:01 /mi
10MI1:32:471:32:479:16 /mi
10:27 /mi
FINISH2:05:172:05:179:33 /mi












I am proud of myself, not of my time, but that i finished. My best half is 45 minutes faster.   I learned a lot about myself through this process, and im planning to sign up for 2 more half marathons this year. One in August and one in September. And i have time to train and get my mental game strong! Im glad i didnt give up.  I knew that my fiance was waiting at the finish line for me and that kept me motivated.  I am excited to get back into my training and where i used to be as a runner.  I know i have to have patience and it will take time, but its a journey im willing to take. 


QUESTIONS FOR YOU

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU TO KEEP GOING WHEN YOU WANT TO GIVE UP? HOW HAVE YOU OVERCOME OBSTACLES?


WHAT IS THE NEXT RACE YOU ARE TRAINING FOR OR PLANNING TO COMPETE IN? ARE YOU EXCITED, ANXIOUS, MEH ABOUT IT AND WHY?








Sunday, June 7, 2015

My head is a crazy place

What a week it has been! I am finally starting to get out of my lazy depressed slump and back into training. My training is weak, but im out there and that is better than nothing.  Treatment didnt work out as expected.  I am not ready to completely surrender that part of my life and have found that i become more conscious and aware of food and weight when im in treatment, thus setting me back.  So i have taken steps to keep me fueled up and healthy that dont involve treatment.  I am going to continue to see a therapist and get help with my mind set and the things that mentally hurt me. That aside, i am getting back on to the pavement! FINALLY!! I have missed running so much.  I let being pregnant be an excuse to not exercise, my body was changing and i was tired. No, i was just lazy. Yes, there were a few days that i was just exhausted and running wasnt going to happen, but most of the days, i was stuck in my head, lacking motivation and just didnt want to run. 

Motivation comes from action.  If i dont take action, i wont get motivated and nothing will get accomplished. 

This week, i actually started a new job.  Ill only be working 3 days a week, which right now is perfect for me.  I can focus on my training and my health- both physical and mental.  Ill also be able to spend time doing things i love, like reading and coffee dates with friends.  Those are things i need in my life right now.  I let my life get very unbalanced and that caused a lot of mental chaos for me, which i unfortunately have taken out on those closest to me.  Sorry guys!! 

This week, my Fiance and i had the funeral for our little nugget. The ceremony was with us and a Priest, very intimate and emotional.  Im very glad that we choose to do this, as i now feel that i have complete closure.  I had my surgery follow up appointment Thursday afternoon as well, and my Dr. has cleared us to try again when my body has finished a cycle.  We are excited to try again, and we hope to have a little one in our arms this time next year, God willing. 

Thursday, before heading out for our day, we went for a run.  The weather was hot and sunny but felt good.  I on the other hand felt like i couldnt breathe and could feel how out of shape Ive become.  Its not fun!! We got in 5 miles. Friday, i was at work and didnt get in any running, but i did spend 45 minutes on my bike trainer.  

Today, i had softball at noon and afterwards, went for a run.  This run was 5.36 miles and i incorporated speed work and hills.  I have such weak training for my half on Saturday.  I know i will not be on my A game for this half. Ill be lucky if i can run at my C game.  I keep reminding myself that i am not where i was fitness wise/ training wise last year.  I wont hold 6-6:30 min miles. Ill be lucky if i can hold 7:30miles.  I looked up the pacers for this race and there is a pacer holding a 7:38 to finish 1:40.00 so my goal is to become best friends with this pacer and stick with him/her for the 13.1   I am still deciding if i will run with headphones or just talk to the pacer instead.  I think that will be a last minute decision for me.  My main goal is to stay out of my head and if i get stuck in there to keep only positive thoughts running through.  Im notorious for getting in my head, getting negative and wanting to say F**k it, im done! I have fortunately never just given up on a race but i have let myself go from a strong lead to finishing barely in 3rd because i walked and talked myself down.  

That is all i have for today.  This week i will be training hard. I dont taper, those actually mess me up, so i will be increasing my mileage as the week goes.  Until next time,