Thursday, February 13, 2014

Why

This will be my first non fitness post. Next Friday, I turn 28. Im over obsessing about it and my life as to where I am right now.  I never thought I'd live past 25. I even constantly told my mother id be dead before then. And I was almost right.  In January of 2011 I mixed drugs and alcohol into a deadly combination and put myself into a 3 day coma.  After that I didn't change anything and just went right back to the bottle. Today I can admit I have had ups and downs. Relapses along the way. I got sober at 24 and spent my 25th birthday in jail. I have relapsed and gotten sober again since then and am stronger now.  The fact that 28 is a week a way is really fucking my mind though. After my drinking career and my 17 year long eating disorder which has had me hospitalized over a handful of times, why am I still here? Why?  What is Gods plan for me? I feel like I am stuck in a place I don't belong and should've left years ago, but here I am.  I have learned all I can do is trust. Trust that God does have a plan for me. That greater things are yet to come and I was left for a reason