What a week it has been! I am finally starting to get out of my lazy depressed slump and back into training. My training is weak, but im out there and that is better than nothing. Treatment didnt work out as expected. I am not ready to completely surrender that part of my life and have found that i become more conscious and aware of food and weight when im in treatment, thus setting me back. So i have taken steps to keep me fueled up and healthy that dont involve treatment. I am going to continue to see a therapist and get help with my mind set and the things that mentally hurt me. That aside, i am getting back on to the pavement! FINALLY!! I have missed running so much. I let being pregnant be an excuse to not exercise, my body was changing and i was tired. No, i was just lazy. Yes, there were a few days that i was just exhausted and running wasnt going to happen, but most of the days, i was stuck in my head, lacking motivation and just didnt want to run.
Motivation comes from action. If i dont take action, i wont get motivated and nothing will get accomplished.
This week, i actually started a new job. Ill only be working 3 days a week, which right now is perfect for me. I can focus on my training and my health- both physical and mental. Ill also be able to spend time doing things i love, like reading and coffee dates with friends. Those are things i need in my life right now. I let my life get very unbalanced and that caused a lot of mental chaos for me, which i unfortunately have taken out on those closest to me. Sorry guys!!
This week, my Fiance and i had the funeral for our little nugget. The ceremony was with us and a Priest, very intimate and emotional. Im very glad that we choose to do this, as i now feel that i have complete closure. I had my surgery follow up appointment Thursday afternoon as well, and my Dr. has cleared us to try again when my body has finished a cycle. We are excited to try again, and we hope to have a little one in our arms this time next year, God willing.
Thursday, before heading out for our day, we went for a run. The weather was hot and sunny but felt good. I on the other hand felt like i couldnt breathe and could feel how out of shape Ive become. Its not fun!! We got in 5 miles. Friday, i was at work and didnt get in any running, but i did spend 45 minutes on my bike trainer.
Today, i had softball at noon and afterwards, went for a run. This run was 5.36 miles and i incorporated speed work and hills. I have such weak training for my half on Saturday. I know i will not be on my A game for this half. Ill be lucky if i can run at my C game. I keep reminding myself that i am not where i was fitness wise/ training wise last year. I wont hold 6-6:30 min miles. Ill be lucky if i can hold 7:30miles. I looked up the pacers for this race and there is a pacer holding a 7:38 to finish 1:40.00 so my goal is to become best friends with this pacer and stick with him/her for the 13.1 I am still deciding if i will run with headphones or just talk to the pacer instead. I think that will be a last minute decision for me. My main goal is to stay out of my head and if i get stuck in there to keep only positive thoughts running through. Im notorious for getting in my head, getting negative and wanting to say F**k it, im done! I have fortunately never just given up on a race but i have let myself go from a strong lead to finishing barely in 3rd because i walked and talked myself down.
That is all i have for today. This week i will be training hard. I dont taper, those actually mess me up, so i will be increasing my mileage as the week goes. Until next time,
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