PMA- Positive Mental Attitude

Once again, I've been side tracked and have not been keeping up with this blog.  My apologies. I'm going to make it a point to update this blog every week (at least once, if not twice).  I have time to indulge in reality TV, so i have the time to sit down and blog.  Writing helps my mental state too, so i really should be doing this more often.  As most of my readers know, i have suffered a long term eating disorder, substance abuse issues and severe depression and anxiety.  This last month, i have had a lot of ups and downs, resulting in me to finally seek out treatment for everything.  

The last week of March, my fiance and i found out that we were expecting! It was very exciting, but my mental health started to deteriorate.  I started to use my eating disorder behaviors more often using the excuse of "morning sickness".  Yes, i did have morning sickness, but i was also using that as an excuse to continue to act out on my behaviors- an ingrained coping mechanism i have.  Not a healthy one, but it has been a way that i have dealt with stress, anxiety and life in general since i was 11 (I'm 29 now).  Being pregnant, the first trimester is a huge developmental stage, and its draining.  Energy levels were at an all time low, causing me to have no motivation to run (this is the most out of shape i have been in for years).  Not running or working out affects my mental state hugely.  I instantly feel fat and huge, which leads to increased anxiety and depressive thoughts.  I let those thoughts overtake my mental state, and in the end, i had a huge mental break down. 

The result of this mental breakdown was treatment.  I entered an all day partial hospitalization program for mental health.  I was in that program for a week.  I had to be discharged due to not being on medication (being pregnant i didn't want to risk the baby's health by being on a medication that could affect a developing fetus).  My last day of treatment in this program was the day before me and my fiance went to hear our baby's heartbeat! The next week i was scheduled to start IOP for mental health- a 3 day a week, 3 hours a day program to continue to help me learn different ways to handle and cope with my anxiety and depression. 

The day of the heart beat appointment i woke up very anxious- there were a lot of other things going on that day (an out of town event for my fiance - his college graduation! and i was very stressed).  After finally calming down, we headed to the appointment.  i felt like a kid on Christmas.  i was so excited to hear my little nuggets heart beat! I had seen the heart beat in an ultrasound when i was 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant.  This appointment was at 11 weeks 4 days. I was most excited that my fiance was going to be able to share this event with me.  We were going to see our little human!  

The appointment did not go as we had hoped.  My doctor could not find the heartbeat with her sound device. She went and got the ultrasound and i knew instantly that something was wrong. I could see my little nugget on the ultrasound, but there was no flutter in the middle of the body, which now looked smaller, like there had been previously.  My doctor looked at me and in a very calm manner told me "there is no heartbeat"   I lost it.  The next few hours i spent sobbing.  My baby was gone.  I was told it wasn't my fault, that this happens to 1 in 3 women.  I still couldn't help but blame myself.  Was it because of my eating disorder behaviors, was it my stress levels, was it because in the beginning of the pregnancy i didn't know i was pregnant and drank? Was this maybe really my fault? I couldn't help but play over the what ifs, the would've could've should haves.  

The next week, i had a D&C surgery to remove the deceased fetus. The hospital i had my surgery at partners with two local cemeteries to bury the fetal tissues, as it is considered a life. I choose the catholic cemetery, as that is the religion me and my fiance have been raised with.  We will be saying a final good bye to our little nugget next week, June 4th.  I'm very grateful that both he and i have a strong faith in God.  We are trusting that this loss is a part of His plan for us, and we will be able to try again, and plan to.  We aren't letting this loss keep us from having the family we want. It will happen when God is ready for us.  

Since i had that surgery last week, i had to postpone starting my IOP program, which has now actually been switched. The therapist i met with for my intake had to do another assessment and we both decided that it would be best for me to start the Partial hospitalization program in the eating disorder unit.  I was told that at a minimum of care i needed the partial; the doctor did debate putting me inpatient right away, but i expressed that i preferred the partial so they agreed to that, and if i get worse, they will bump up the level of care.  I will be starting that in the next few days.  

In other news, outside of the sadness, the weather has been amazing! Finally! Milwaukee is so crazy with the weather.  As I'm writing this, i have two windows open and there is a hot breeze blowing in at me.  It feels so amazing! I cant wait to get out and run later today!  My doctor told me to take it easy after the surgery- no exercise, so i waited a week til i started to be active again.  I ran yesterday- 3.13 miles.  It felt so good.  The sun was hot.  I had a little trouble breathing and felt super out of shape but i held a decent pace.  Mile one and two were the same speed and mile 3 i slowed the pace.

In 15 days, my fiance and I are running in the Rock N Sole half marathon. I am very excited, but i have no training to back me, and he doesn't either.  We let our training sit on the back burner, so we will go out there and do our best.  I'm not shooting for the 1:20 range like i initially had planned.  There will be pacers, the fastest pacer will be for a 7:38 pace- 1:40 half time so i will run with that pacer, a little ahead at the beginning and than drop back to that pacer if i need.  I would like to finish at 1:35 but if i finish at 1:40 that is okay.  I need to realize i don't have proper, hell any, training to back me on this race.  I need to listen to my body cues and take this race mile by mile.  

Well that's all i have for now.  Stay tuned as i continue to update.  Also, i have added a facebook page for my business that i am finally working on getting off the ground, so please go and like it!
And if you have any fitness or health questions, email me!  LiveForFitnessLLC@gmail.com

Until next time:
Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself." - John Bingham

Olives to Go!!!

This past month, I had the privilege of being able to try Olives to Go by Pearls Olives. A convenient way for me to have a quick snack on the go that was gluten-free, dairy free, sugar-free, cholesterol free, trans-fat free, GMO free, and vegan!! Everything I look for in a snack!

I was sent a package containing four types of the olives. Kalamata Pitted Greek Olives, Pimiento Stuffed Spanish Green Olives, Black Pitted Olives (winner of the 2014 Parents Magazine 25 best packaged foods for families award!) and Sliced California Black Ripe Olives!  I love that I had such an great variety of flavors available to fit the mood I was in on a given day when I needed a quick snack. 

The olives came in very quick and easy to go cups. Perfect size for a lunch, to throw in my gym bag or purse, or to just grab as I was running out of the house. The olives come in the perfect snack size, varying between 1.4-1.6 oz cups. 

My favorite olives were the Sliced California Black Ripe Olives.  They were easy to snack on and I was able to add them to my pasta salad or lettuce salad at lunch to add an extra flavor.  My second favorite, which caught me off guard, was the Pimiento stuffed Spanish Green Olives! What a great flavor and easy snacking!

I was able to share the olives with my fellow olive lovers and they loved how convenient the cups are for a quick healthy and filling snack! 

This weekend, the Mikwaukee area will be featuring coupons on the paper for pearls olives to go! You can get the olives at Target :) The cost is such a steal to start with, $3.99, so make sure to grab your coupon and stock up!! 

I highly recommend keeping a cup or two in your gym back for a quick before or after workout fuel up, some in your car for on the go snacking, in your desk drawer at work, in your purse, heck anywhere that you can grab them when hunger strikes! 

Thanks Pearls Olives for letting me try such an amazing product that I can't say enough positive things about!

The Daily Struggle

A little over a month ago, i turned 29.  One more year until the big 3-0, an age that i have for a very long time feared.  I've recently been evaluating my life, my mental state, my wants.  I have been living in fear for a very long time, not just of getting older, but of not being good enough or where i should be.  I put into my mindset over a decade ago expectations for myself.  I had my entire adult life planned out before i was even a high school graduate.  I was going to be married by 23, kids by 25 and 27 and driving a Mercedes and owning my own extravagant house by the time i was 30.  None of that has happened.  Life doesn't always go as we plan, for its not ours to plan.  As a Christian, i have realized that God is the one who makes the plans for my life.  I can try and have these extravagant ideas and plans, but that doesn't mean they are going to happen. Life happens, and sometimes its not easy and not what we had planed for ourselves.  

My life has had many ups and downs the last 10 years.  Suffering from severe anorexia since I was 11 and then bulimia coming into play at 16 (something i still struggle with today), being an active alcoholic and past drug addict, and suffering massive anxiety attacks and depression.  I didn't have any of this in my life plans for myself, but they are here and they are something i deal with daily.   I wish i didn't have to have these struggles, but if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.  I know that everything i am struggling with can one day be in the past.  I can get through this, i can get help and i can be better.  Those life plans i made for myself, they can still happen,  just at a later age.  The things i am overcoming and battling are a part of my life, for some reason, unknown to me, but i do know that they are going to help me to grow as a woman and one day i will be able to take what i have gone through (and am going through) and help someone else. 

The past few weeks, i have been doing some soul searching.  Trying to figure out just what it is i want from this life, and what exactly it is that i am afraid of.   I realized i have so many goals and one of my biggest fears is not accomplishing them, not being the best or being  good enough.  I have always been an extremely talented athlete.  Being a top swimmer the majority of my life and now taking that level of athleticism into running.  I was the top runner in high school, but when given the choice of D1 swimming or D1 running, i choose to swim as that is where i had invested the majority of my time growing up.   

With a half marathon coming up in June, i am confronted with fears.  What if im not the best? What if i dont run as fast as I and others expect me to? What will people think of me?  Im realizing, what does that matter!?  The point is, im getting out there, im going to run 13.1 miles, and im going to finish with a smile!  If i run a 7:30 pace instead of a 6:40, well then so be it.  As long as i can finish and say i gave it my everything, i didn't hold back and am proud of myself- then i have accomplished a goal.  

I have been struggling a lot lately with my eating disorder and my alcohol addiction.  I am so afraid of not getting "that skinny" one more time.  I have this thought that i need to be super skinny one more time in my life, just to "feel it"  and so i get scared to eat or i eat and have to purge.  My anxiety will overwhelm me and then i need to drink, and if i drink im drinking to skip eating.  Its a vicious cycle.  But once i take that first drink, its not enough, one bottle of wine isn't enough, heck sometimes 2 bottles isn't enough.  I have been an alcoholic since i was 18.  Drinking was kind of fun in the beginning but now its just a way to numb myself and not deal with life.  As i mentioned earlier, i have all these goals, well drinking is keeping me from achieving them and just aids in my depression.  I can get to day 3 without a drink and than my anxiety sky rockets and i throw a tantrum and demand that i have a 6 pack of beer or 2 bottles of wine immediately.  I tell my boyfriend i will leave him if i don't get a drink.  What kind of love is that displaying?  This is the man i want and plan to spend the rest of my life with, to start a family with and i am treating him like none of that matters, all because i want a drink.  

My head is in a constant fog, even as i write this, my thoughts seem disorganized and out of whack.  I don't like being this person. i don't like watching my running suffer. And i especially don't like seeing the look of hurt on my amazing boyfriends face.  I love you babe and im so sorry for all this "bullshit" i have had to put you through.  This isn't to say that i am fixed and it wont happen again, because it probably well. As i write this im thinking about how good a 6 pack of spotted cow would be right now, well, after i get in my run for the day.  

To my readers, i need to vent today, thank you for letting me.  Never give up on yourself or your goals.  Never sell yourself short.  You are worth it.  You do deserve to have good things happen to you.  We all do!  Thanks for letting me rant today, and as always LiveForFitness

St. Pats 5K Recap

This past Saturday, March 14th, I competed in the St Pats Day 5k in Mount Pleasant WI.  This was my first race of 2015, and one i was not 100% prepared for.  I have been battling a lot of inner demons the past few years, and they have really affected my training.  I was not, and am not in my best shape right now.  I am still battling knee problems and constantly have tight calves no matter how much i stretch, hydrate, foam roll, and wear compression sleeves. The month prior to the race, i got out and ran a total of 10 times.  In the past, my training has been consistent, my meal times (yes i have an eating schedule) and food intake have been the same.  Not so much this time.  My training was weak and inconsistent, my meals were sporadic and hard to keep.  My body was not ready to take on this race.  My mental state was half-heartedly there. 

The night before the race, i had an anxiety attack.  I wanted to give up, not go, throw a tantrum fit for a two year old. I am very lucky i have such a loving and supportive boyfriend, who at times like that, deals with my shit.  I am not an easy person to live with when im, for lack of a better term, "freaking out".  

The morning of the race, i was in better spirits and had a smile on my face.  I drank my morning coffee, picked music to jam out to on the drive down and felt ready.  Once we got our bib numbers and checked in, my nerves started to hit.  My hands were shaky and my mind was racing.  I was observing every single person who was registering, looking for my competition.  I do this with every race, i observe the crowd and size everyone up.  I know, its judgmental, but i always pick out the winner before we start and know who i need to place myself near.  The winner of this 5K happened to be a 13 year old.  But, i looked at my boyfriend (oh yea- he and i ran this together) and said to him "That kid is the one to watch".  I never fail when it comes to sizing up the winner.  Runners have a body type, they have a stance, they have a look in their eyes that says "Ive come to win".  

My boyfriend said to me before the race that i should just go run the way i wanted and that i shouldn't worry about him.  I was fine with that, after all, i was there to win.  I told him i wanted him to start at the front of the line with me though.  I once made the mistake of not starting at the front, and that is one mistake that i will not repeat. When you get stuck in the back of the crowd and are there to race and not just for the fun that running can bring, you are screwed.  

The gun went off, and i was off with it, and that 13 year old was off even faster.  I was okay with that.  I knew from the get go that I didn't want to chase him and ruin my race.  Heading into the first mile I was running against the wind, but somehow it was my fastest mile. Unfortunately, i went out faster than someone who has weak training should.  I completed my first mile in 6:34 

At 1.5miles i started to feel my knees hurting and my mental state was going.  I was losing my positive attitude and quite honestly was ready to throw in the towel and give up. There were 2 people in front of me.  My boyfriend was the next person behind me.  I slowed down and waited for him and thank God he was there.  I wanted to stop and walk about 4 times the rest of the race and every time i did, he screamed encouragement at me.  I wasn't allowed to give up, we could do this, don't walk.  I would have not made it through the race if it weren't for him.  My mind is a stubborn mind.  When i want to stop, i stop.  When i want my bottle of wine, i cry and scream til i get it.  Its just the way i am.  At about 2.8 miles (on the up slant of a hill) i stopped. I walked (for 3 feet- although it felt like 100) and we got passed by a gentleman.   But once we rounded the corner and were at the 3 mile mark, my mind shifted back.  I was almost done, it was time to kick it up a notch and finish hard.  And finish hard we did!  My time was not the best for me. No where near it, but I finished tied for 4th overall and 1st female.  (so the race results say that im 5th-but my boyfriend is the name above me, and its the exact same time, so im saying we tied for 4th-either way i was 1st female and top 5).  For not having been in my best mindset and for having not trained properly going into this race, im okay with how i finished.  I came to win and win is what i did.  

Now its been four days, and i have yet to get in another run, so excuse me while i go lace up and pound some pavement!!

Wishing you all happy running, and as always, #LiveForFitness

Place     Time       Pace    Bib#             Name, City                Age   Division/Place   Sex/Place
    1     18:36.5    5:59.4  334  TONATIOH CHAVEZ, KENOSHA              13     - / M10-15        1 / M
    2     20:29.8    6:35.8  336  DAVID LA PERUGINI, KENOSHA            51     - / M50-54        2 / M
    3     21:46.4    7:00.5  330  ROBERT SAUDLE, RACINE                 39     - / M30-39        3 / M
    4     21:52.9    7:02.6  951  Paul Sisler, Greendale                26     1 / M20-29        4 / M
    5     21:52.9    7:02.6  918  Katelyn O'Neill, Greendale            29     - / F20-29        1 / F

My mind is a warzone

The past week or so has brought upon new challenges and changes for me.  My boyfriend and i moved in together last week Saturday (my 29th birthday) and it has been better than i could have imagined.  I have been very blessed to have such a loving, understanding, patient man at my side.  At times i am not easy to deal with, much less live with, and he has been by my side in my moments of weakness, lifting me up and encouraging me to keep going. Challenges i have faced have been ones of opening up, letting someone else into my life and expressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions.  I am very used to being withdrawn, isolated; an introvert. 

I have been struggling the past few days with my inner demons.  That pesky eating disordered mind of mine has gotten a lot stronger this week.  I have been working really hard at my sobriety, staying sober is not an easy task for me. Thankfully i have a sponsor, an AA program, an amazing boyfriend and my Higher Power to help me through my obsession and constant "desire" to drink.  I have a strong desire to not drink (i know this sounds like i'm contradicting myself- but trust me i'm not) but sometimes this disease of alcoholism overtakes my mind and leaves me with an even stronger desire to pick up a drink.  That is when turn to others to help me through.  Having recently, again, removed alcohol from my life, my eating disorder has slowly begun to creep back in.  I call my eating disorder ED, so ED is creeping in and he is stronger than he has been in a very long time.  Yesterday he left me unable to even act like a normal human being.  He taunted me all day long, telling me i was unworthy, fat, ugly, undeserving.  I ended my night in tears and going to bed early.  Today ED has been in my mind as well, but i am stronger than him today.  I must take everything day by day.   

Thankfully, i was able to calm my mind, even though it was only for a brief period of time, with Yoga.  Today marks the last day of the #taketheleap challenge with #SweatPink and #Prana  I have really enjoyed the challenge, as it gave me the opportunity to dive more so into my practice and embrace my mediation and self awareness in a positive way. I also was able to advance my skill level in certain poses, such as crow and headstands.  I am very excited to continue to embrace my practice and become more involved in meditation.  I will post a few pictures at the end of this post for you to see how my yoga has advanced.  Also feel free to follow me on instagram for more of my yoga katielynn_grace

After having a very bad day with ED yesterday, i have decided to change my approach towards food a bit for the remainder of the week.  What i am going to do is eat by color.  That way i have a structured approach and don't have to worry about b/p occurring.  Today is green.  

Green= green apples, green tea, green peppers, avocado, cucumbers, romaine lettuce

however, i cant quite bring myself to eat today, so I've had 2 cups of coffee and a diet coke instead.  take what i can get.  My mind doesn't feel hectic or out of sorts so i'm not going to push myself to an uncomfortable level.  

tomorrow (Wednesday) is white foods.  white= egg whites, 2% greek yogurt, plain almond milk, cottage cheese, unsalted rice cakes (which i like to spread cream cheese on), water w/ lemon (yes a yellow), and string cheese.  

Thursday is brights- orange, red, yellow= red peppers, red pepper hummus, red peppers, cherry tomato, apples, tomato slices, carrots, lemon water, tea. 

Friday is brown/fuel for a long day Saturday .   brown= wheat bread, wheat thin crackers, organic peanut butter, coffee, lemon water, tea, chicken or turkey slices, chocolate almond milk. 

I'm going to see how these next few days of eating in color go.  I might adapt it as a permanent way of eating, i'm not sure.  I just know that my anxiety had been down since i put this idea into writing this morning. 

Mentioning Saturday being a busy day makes me think of running.  Saturday is a longer run day for me, which is why i need to fuel up more.  Yesterday i was supposed to start my half marathon training with my boyfriend, but having had ED control me yesterday, i had no fuel or energy to run so my boyfriend and i decided to take the day off and we are starting our training today.  This June 13 is the Milwaukee Rock N' Sole 1/2 marathon.  Its a race held on the Summerfest grounds that happens annually. Its one of the most popular races in Milwaukee in the summer.  I designed a 15 week training program for us to follow and am very excited to be running this with my boyfriend. Not saying we will finish at the same time, as i am super competitive and do everything with the "I WANT TO WIN" mindset.   My boyfriend wasn't really a "runner" until he and i started dating and i love the transformation that is occurring in him :) On March 14th, he and i will be racing a St. Pats 5K  This is his first race ever!!! I'm very excited for him! It will be my first race of 2015 and of course, i'm racing to win.  I also plan to compete in the Sweet Home Milwaukee 5k in April.  I ran that last year, very unprepared and did horrible.  i was 6min off my best 5k (finished in 21min) and got 3rd.  I am going in for my revenge (against my time) and to win.  I also plan to race in the Vibha dream mile 10K in July or August, and then do a half marathon with a close friend in Florida come fall.  

This is a year of challenge and change.  A year of i WILL's not i wish i would have.  I plan to make this one of the best years ive had in a long while.  I will get faster, i will get stronger, i will grow and i WILL overcome my demons!! 

Stay strong everyone, and as always #LiveForFitness 

Motivational Factors

In recent months, I have found myself constantly struggling to get over the winter blues and keep myself motivated.  Not just motivated to run, practice yoga and workout, but to stay motivated with living my life. Keeping a healthy lifestyle. Living in the moment. Being present in the now. Reaching out to family and friends. Connecting to another human being. Sure, I could blame the cold or the snow for reasons I want to hole up in my apartment, order in Chinese and watch Netflix, but that would be making an excuse for myself to continue to live in negative behaviors. 

I have days where my motivation is uncanny; Running 5miles, having 2-3 one hour yoga practice that day, eating healthy, being social- and then I have stretches of days where I engage in negative isolating behaviors. Succumbing to my laziness, making excuses to not get out of bed, to not care.  Sounds like  someone with depression. Maybe a tad of that plays into part, but what I've found this to be caused by is more so the lack of motivating factors.  So I pose the question to all of you today- What motivates you? What makes you excited to jump out of bed, go to work, talk to friends, workout and LIVE??!!

Looking at my life and the rut I was in, okay, ill be honest- have been in- I realized that I needed to do some deep soul searching and change some of my unhealthy and ultimately destructive habits.  First- to cut alcohol out of my life, again.  When I had first started this blog i mentioned in a few posts that  I was sober; a recovering alcoholic.  My program of recovery started to slack and when life hit me. I wasn't able to handle "life on life's terms". Having no defense in place against my first drink, I picked up again, resulting in a downward and destructive spiral. Having spent the last 2 years chronically relapsing, I finally have had enough and have started to embrace my program of recovery. Ways that I have helped myself to embrace this change have been by talking about my mental obsession and reaching out to like minded individuals who could help me through days and events when I want to give up and grab a drink.  I've begun to put into place defenses i once lacked. It's not easy. I have bad days. However this is a must do for me. By continuing to live this way, I am finding my long lost motivation! Waking up hungover or drinking because it's snowing or someone looked at me wrong has only kept me from engaging in a healthy and fit lifestyle- one that my peers know me to preach about daily.  I #LiveForFitness. My secret lifestyle (although not always so secret) has made me a hypocrite and in some ways a phony to the way I preach about health and fitness. 

Removing my problem of drink is one I'm still working on. Next is to stablalize my mind, to find sanity. With that I am able to examine into my soul what really drives me- what I really want from this God given life. This Gift! Being more sound of mind, having the fog in my mind begin to dissipate has afforded me many opportunities.  Not all are extravagant, but I'm able to find a better balance in my life. To wake up having plans and being able to hold my commitment to them.  I am able to make goals for myself and chase those goals.  

One of the next steps I've had to take to help myself feel more motivated was to unpack. I had moved at the end of October to an apartment that has only filled me with anxiety and has left me with a lack of comfort. After being there for 2 months and not unpacking a single box (aside from my clothes) I realized that I needed to make my space feel like a home if I wanted to gain any small sense of comfort.  I took a spur of motivation and did just that. I didn't unpack all my things and still have 3 large boxes left, however, I am now moving in 2 days to a beautiful place. This place will not only feel like a home, it will be one filled with comfort, love and happiness. I'm starting a new chapter with my amazing boyfriend and am beyond excited- or you could say MOTIVATED to really get things in order and improve my life, my mindset and my well being (both mentally and physically).  Just as with every time I have moved, I have anxiety and stress.  This time has differences though, I'll have my best friend by my side. As long as I take some pauses for deep breaths and re-centering myself, I'll survive. 

I've recently set in place a morning routine. That has helped me stay focused and motivated.  I wake up daily at 6:15, make my cup of coffee, walk to a meeting, go to coffee afterward and then come home to do a self-centering yoga practice. This routine will be changing as I am moving to a different area. I don't need to allow this to offset my balance or my mental state though. I'm learning to embrace change. God has a great plan for me and I just need to place my trust in Him and know that everything will be okay.  I will find a new routine.  I can still wake up and have my coffee, do a morning mediation and yoga practice.  Life is filled with constant changes, big and small. Everyday people are adjusting their lives to change and I have faith that I can do that too. I don't need be afraid, to crawl back into a dark place and pick up a drink. It will all be okay. 

My daily yoga practices have helped me greatly. I've been able to spend time in quiet reflection. Becoming in tune with my body, mind and spirit. Learning to breath and center myself before I react. Spending time on my mat gives me a chance to clear my head, set focus on my goals and go after the day. I've begun to live in the moment and not take anything for granted. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, so I must make the most of today. 

Regaining my motivation to live, to be a part of this world, I've begun to see so many positive changes. In my personal life, in my mindset, and in my relationships. I've set goals and made plans of action to achieve these goals. I've allowed myself to take risks and put myself in situations that can result in amazing life changing events. I've put my dreams out into the universe and now I wait. I don't just sit around waiting though, I continue to take action.  Good things come to those who wait, but not those who sit on thier ass doing nothing.  

This year I have big things planned.  I'm gaining my motivation! Im giving up the defeated life of being an active alcoholic. I'm working on building my business, starting a career, generating a better income for myself. I'm embracing my Yoga practice. I will run more races this summer than last. I will train harder then I have before. I will treat my body right. I will connect to God more. I will go back to church. I will change who I am and stop living in "if onlys" and "I wish"; This year moving forward is "I WILL" and  "I CAN"   Positive affirmations. I choose to live in love. To release negativity from my life. I will have bad days. I will have great days. Through it all, I WILL keep my head up and persevere. 

Take the leap 30 day yoga challenge

As of today I have started the Take The Leap 30 days of Yoga Challenge. 

 *Disclaimer- this is the madlib format sent to me by Prana and FitApproach and is not my normal method* 

• When I think about yoga, the first thought that comes to mind is Zenful meditation. Yoga centers me and makes me feel peaceful and strong; strong in the sense of internal strength (mind over matter) as well as physical strength. 
• That’s why I am SO ecstatic to participate in prAna’s Take The Leap 30 days of Yoga Challenge with Sweat Pink. I plan to forearm stand my way to more difficult and challenging poses in 2015!
• For me, the biggest challenge when it comes to yoga is having patience with myself and allowing failures to help me grow and learn as I try new poses and overcome difficult stances.  Taking the Leap with prAna and Sweat Pink is a great way for me to conquer my fears, challenge myself to more difficult poses, and embrace meditation and becoming centered with myself. Once I learn to be more centered and peaceful within, I will be able to apply those deep breaths and calming methods into my everyday life as I face difficult things and allow myself to keep focused and remind myself what is important and not worth getting into a stressful mindset over. 
• My favorite place to yoga is at home because it is a place I have designed around my practice and where I feel a sense of calm and zen. 
• The position I am most often found in is a forearm stand- I could stay in this one forever. It relaxes my mind and allows me to have complete focus outside of myself. 
  
• I tag @run_chocolate http://chocolaterunnergirl.wordpress.com/ and http://www.shemomfitness.com/
• I want these fabulous bloggers to share their very best yoga pose photos, this fun madlib and of course, I challenge them to join me on this fun 30 day yoga journey
• Come on y’all, Take the Leap with me!
• Join prAna’s & Sweat Pink’s Take the Leap 30 Days of Yoga Challenge and be eligible to win $500 worth of prAna gear and / or be the lucky winner who gets to gift $500 worth of prAna gear to one lucky winner. They just launched their new spring collection so you best get on it!
• Join the Take the Leap with prAna and Sweat Pink Facebook group / event which we’ll use for updates, sharing,and inspiration: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1525412337742204/

 and event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/423377431152799

And join the challenge on Instagram, Twitter, and your blog using the hashtags:

 

#TakeTheLeap

#prana

#sweatpink

And of course, tag @prana @FitApproach