The past week or so has brought upon new challenges and changes for me. My boyfriend and i moved in together last week Saturday (my 29th birthday) and it has been better than i could have imagined. I have been very blessed to have such a loving, understanding, patient man at my side. At times i am not easy to deal with, much less live with, and he has been by my side in my moments of weakness, lifting me up and encouraging me to keep going. Challenges i have faced have been ones of opening up, letting someone else into my life and expressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I am very used to being withdrawn, isolated; an introvert.
I have been struggling the past few days with my inner demons. That pesky eating disordered mind of mine has gotten a lot stronger this week. I have been working really hard at my sobriety, staying sober is not an easy task for me. Thankfully i have a sponsor, an AA program, an amazing boyfriend and my Higher Power to help me through my obsession and constant "desire" to drink. I have a strong desire to not drink (i know this sounds like i'm contradicting myself- but trust me i'm not) but sometimes this disease of alcoholism overtakes my mind and leaves me with an even stronger desire to pick up a drink. That is when turn to others to help me through. Having recently, again, removed alcohol from my life, my eating disorder has slowly begun to creep back in. I call my eating disorder ED, so ED is creeping in and he is stronger than he has been in a very long time. Yesterday he left me unable to even act like a normal human being. He taunted me all day long, telling me i was unworthy, fat, ugly, undeserving. I ended my night in tears and going to bed early. Today ED has been in my mind as well, but i am stronger than him today. I must take everything day by day.
Thankfully, i was able to calm my mind, even though it was only for a brief period of time, with Yoga. Today marks the last day of the #taketheleap challenge with #SweatPink and #Prana I have really enjoyed the challenge, as it gave me the opportunity to dive more so into my practice and embrace my mediation and self awareness in a positive way. I also was able to advance my skill level in certain poses, such as crow and headstands. I am very excited to continue to embrace my practice and become more involved in meditation. I will post a few pictures at the end of this post for you to see how my yoga has advanced. Also feel free to follow me on instagram for more of my yoga katielynn_grace
Thankfully, i was able to calm my mind, even though it was only for a brief period of time, with Yoga. Today marks the last day of the #taketheleap challenge with #SweatPink and #Prana I have really enjoyed the challenge, as it gave me the opportunity to dive more so into my practice and embrace my mediation and self awareness in a positive way. I also was able to advance my skill level in certain poses, such as crow and headstands. I am very excited to continue to embrace my practice and become more involved in meditation. I will post a few pictures at the end of this post for you to see how my yoga has advanced. Also feel free to follow me on instagram for more of my yoga katielynn_grace
After having a very bad day with ED yesterday, i have decided to change my approach towards food a bit for the remainder of the week. What i am going to do is eat by color. That way i have a structured approach and don't have to worry about b/p occurring. Today is green.
Green= green apples, green tea, green peppers, avocado, cucumbers, romaine lettuce
however, i cant quite bring myself to eat today, so I've had 2 cups of coffee and a diet coke instead. take what i can get. My mind doesn't feel hectic or out of sorts so i'm not going to push myself to an uncomfortable level.
tomorrow (Wednesday) is white foods. white= egg whites, 2% greek yogurt, plain almond milk, cottage cheese, unsalted rice cakes (which i like to spread cream cheese on), water w/ lemon (yes a yellow), and string cheese.
Thursday is brights- orange, red, yellow= red peppers, red pepper hummus, red peppers, cherry tomato, apples, tomato slices, carrots, lemon water, tea.
Friday is brown/fuel for a long day Saturday . brown= wheat bread, wheat thin crackers, organic peanut butter, coffee, lemon water, tea, chicken or turkey slices, chocolate almond milk.
I'm going to see how these next few days of eating in color go. I might adapt it as a permanent way of eating, i'm not sure. I just know that my anxiety had been down since i put this idea into writing this morning.
Mentioning Saturday being a busy day makes me think of running. Saturday is a longer run day for me, which is why i need to fuel up more. Yesterday i was supposed to start my half marathon training with my boyfriend, but having had ED control me yesterday, i had no fuel or energy to run so my boyfriend and i decided to take the day off and we are starting our training today. This June 13 is the Milwaukee Rock N' Sole 1/2 marathon. Its a race held on the Summerfest grounds that happens annually. Its one of the most popular races in Milwaukee in the summer. I designed a 15 week training program for us to follow and am very excited to be running this with my boyfriend. Not saying we will finish at the same time, as i am super competitive and do everything with the "I WANT TO WIN" mindset. My boyfriend wasn't really a "runner" until he and i started dating and i love the transformation that is occurring in him :) On March 14th, he and i will be racing a St. Pats 5K This is his first race ever!!! I'm very excited for him! It will be my first race of 2015 and of course, i'm racing to win. I also plan to compete in the Sweet Home Milwaukee 5k in April. I ran that last year, very unprepared and did horrible. i was 6min off my best 5k (finished in 21min) and got 3rd. I am going in for my revenge (against my time) and to win. I also plan to race in the Vibha dream mile 10K in July or August, and then do a half marathon with a close friend in Florida come fall.
This is a year of challenge and change. A year of i WILL's not i wish i would have. I plan to make this one of the best years ive had in a long while. I will get faster, i will get stronger, i will grow and i WILL overcome my demons!!
Stay strong everyone, and as always #LiveForFitness
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