I have days where my motivation is uncanny; Running 5miles, having 2-3 one hour yoga practice that day, eating healthy, being social- and then I have stretches of days where I engage in negative isolating behaviors. Succumbing to my laziness, making excuses to not get out of bed, to not care. Sounds like someone with depression. Maybe a tad of that plays into part, but what I've found this to be caused by is more so the lack of motivating factors. So I pose the question to all of you today- What motivates you? What makes you excited to jump out of bed, go to work, talk to friends, workout and LIVE??!!
Looking at my life and the rut I was in, okay, ill be honest- have been in- I realized that I needed to do some deep soul searching and change some of my unhealthy and ultimately destructive habits. First- to cut alcohol out of my life, again. When I had first started this blog i mentioned in a few posts that I was sober; a recovering alcoholic. My program of recovery started to slack and when life hit me. I wasn't able to handle "life on life's terms". Having no defense in place against my first drink, I picked up again, resulting in a downward and destructive spiral. Having spent the last 2 years chronically relapsing, I finally have had enough and have started to embrace my program of recovery. Ways that I have helped myself to embrace this change have been by talking about my mental obsession and reaching out to like minded individuals who could help me through days and events when I want to give up and grab a drink. I've begun to put into place defenses i once lacked. It's not easy. I have bad days. However this is a must do for me. By continuing to live this way, I am finding my long lost motivation! Waking up hungover or drinking because it's snowing or someone looked at me wrong has only kept me from engaging in a healthy and fit lifestyle- one that my peers know me to preach about daily. I #LiveForFitness. My secret lifestyle (although not always so secret) has made me a hypocrite and in some ways a phony to the way I preach about health and fitness.
Removing my problem of drink is one I'm still working on. Next is to stablalize my mind, to find sanity. With that I am able to examine into my soul what really drives me- what I really want from this God given life. This Gift! Being more sound of mind, having the fog in my mind begin to dissipate has afforded me many opportunities. Not all are extravagant, but I'm able to find a better balance in my life. To wake up having plans and being able to hold my commitment to them. I am able to make goals for myself and chase those goals.
One of the next steps I've had to take to help myself feel more motivated was to unpack. I had moved at the end of October to an apartment that has only filled me with anxiety and has left me with a lack of comfort. After being there for 2 months and not unpacking a single box (aside from my clothes) I realized that I needed to make my space feel like a home if I wanted to gain any small sense of comfort. I took a spur of motivation and did just that. I didn't unpack all my things and still have 3 large boxes left, however, I am now moving in 2 days to a beautiful place. This place will not only feel like a home, it will be one filled with comfort, love and happiness. I'm starting a new chapter with my amazing boyfriend and am beyond excited- or you could say MOTIVATED to really get things in order and improve my life, my mindset and my well being (both mentally and physically). Just as with every time I have moved, I have anxiety and stress. This time has differences though, I'll have my best friend by my side. As long as I take some pauses for deep breaths and re-centering myself, I'll survive.
I've recently set in place a morning routine. That has helped me stay focused and motivated. I wake up daily at 6:15, make my cup of coffee, walk to a meeting, go to coffee afterward and then come home to do a self-centering yoga practice. This routine will be changing as I am moving to a different area. I don't need to allow this to offset my balance or my mental state though. I'm learning to embrace change. God has a great plan for me and I just need to place my trust in Him and know that everything will be okay. I will find a new routine. I can still wake up and have my coffee, do a morning mediation and yoga practice. Life is filled with constant changes, big and small. Everyday people are adjusting their lives to change and I have faith that I can do that too. I don't need be afraid, to crawl back into a dark place and pick up a drink. It will all be okay.
My daily yoga practices have helped me greatly. I've been able to spend time in quiet reflection. Becoming in tune with my body, mind and spirit. Learning to breath and center myself before I react. Spending time on my mat gives me a chance to clear my head, set focus on my goals and go after the day. I've begun to live in the moment and not take anything for granted. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, so I must make the most of today.
Regaining my motivation to live, to be a part of this world, I've begun to see so many positive changes. In my personal life, in my mindset, and in my relationships. I've set goals and made plans of action to achieve these goals. I've allowed myself to take risks and put myself in situations that can result in amazing life changing events. I've put my dreams out into the universe and now I wait. I don't just sit around waiting though, I continue to take action. Good things come to those who wait, but not those who sit on thier ass doing nothing.
This year I have big things planned. I'm gaining my motivation! Im giving up the defeated life of being an active alcoholic. I'm working on building my business, starting a career, generating a better income for myself. I'm embracing my Yoga practice. I will run more races this summer than last. I will train harder then I have before. I will treat my body right. I will connect to God more. I will go back to church. I will change who I am and stop living in "if onlys" and "I wish"; This year moving forward is "I WILL" and "I CAN" Positive affirmations. I choose to live in love. To release negativity from my life. I will have bad days. I will have great days. Through it all, I WILL keep my head up and persevere.
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