Seeking to fill the void

Do you ever feel like you are constantly seeking something?  I feel like I'm constantly "soul searching" or looking for answers and ways to improve on myself and my life.  My life isn't bad by any means, I have all that I need and more than i would've ever imagined.  Yet i am constantly seeking for something.  I have recently started to work with a new sponsor- she pointed out to me that a lot of songs have artists singing of desires and wants.  Everyone is searching for that missing piece.  

I have recently started to rework my program of sobriety- after two years of physical and emotional relapses.  I have found that when alcohol was removed my life got better- until it stood still.  Alcohol is gone, but what have i replaced it with?  I gave up my coping mechanism- I used alcohol for so long as my way to "check out" and numb myself from thoughts and feelings. So now what am i left with?  Well, i unfortunately have found myself back in the grips of my anorexia. I've talked a lot lately about comfort zones- drinking was comfortable until it wasn't, but my eating disorder (which i have struggled with since i was 11 years old) has almost always been my security blanket.  ED is always there for me- but that is wrong thinking. ED isn't there for me, he is instead consuming and controlling me, making me sick, anxious, afraid. Bringing out more of my character defects.  He causes me pain.  Why do i always turn to him? Because its comfortable, because i don't run the risk of facing the unknown- Because I am still seeking to fill that void. 

(the following is my personal beliefs and opinions, if you don't agree- that's is okay! we are all entitled to our own belief systems or lack of.  I don't wish to push my beliefs on anyone).

So back to my point about working a program with a new sponsor- My sponsor was pointing out that everyone is seeking something.  The thing is, what i am seeking is God.  I just didn't realize it.  In the program i work, it is very important to stay in conscious contact throughout my day with my Higher Power.  If i stop talking to my HP (higher power), i lose that connection, and i can lose myself.  When i am in contact with my HP throughout the day, I am a better person.  I don't have to go through this life alone or afraid to ask for help.  My HP is there for me, as long as i can remember to seek Him.

 "God could and would if he were sought" 

So my point is, this void i feel, the one I tried to fill with alcohol and now my eating disorder, is my lacking relationship with my HP.  I need to remember to talk to my HP everyday, throughout my day.  When I do that, i can ask for help, I can pray for my defects of character to be removed, I can pray for my HP to guide me to live the way i am meant.  I know i am not meant to live my life as an anxiety prone anorexic.  I am meant to help others, to run fast and strong, to eventually be a mom- and a good one at that.

I just really needed to get my thoughts down today.  I don't mean to offend anyone with my post, nor am i looking for anyone to debate with me.  These are my own personal thoughts and writing them down helps me.  I am a work in progress, and this is a part of my journey to a better self.

 Much love to all.  

Questions for you:

Do you find yourself constantly seeking to fill a void? What do you do to fill it?

What are 5 things you are grateful for today?