Friday, January 8, 2016

The Should Talk

I'm sitting here at home, on my couch, giving myself the "should" talk.  This morning i missed my bus to get to the other side of town to take 2 yoga classes.  I should've gotten up 5 minutes earlier, because i should work out today.  I shouldn't be so lazy.  I should do a home practice now, or i should take the later bus and should take the later classes.   How often do we do this to ourselves?  What i did this morning was put myself down.  Telling myself all the things i should do- things that if i do, i will be able to tell myself I'm better for.  I put myself down every time I tell myself I should've done something.  
Recently, I've decided to take a bit of a social media break.  I post things here and there, but I'm not going to be as active as i have been.  I kept telling myself I should participate in Instagram challenges- they would make me feel better.  Wrong.  They stressed me out.  I didn't always have time to do an Instagram Yoga pose of the day. And then the should talks would start all over again.  I would put myself down for poor time management.  I would get upset if i didn't have a TON of likes on my pictures and then i would start the comparison game.   So and so has 500 likes, has 100000+ followers,  is prettier, is more fit, is more liked. Whats wrong with me? Why don't people like my pictures? Why isn't everyone following me?.  Oh cry me a river.  I set myself up to put myself down.  I didn't start my social media accounts to gain followers, that's not my goal.  There are some people who use social media to network with companies, to grow their business' and to gain sponsorships, but guess what- I'm not one of those people.  So WHY am i beating myself up about such petty things.  

I started my twitter account years ago as a way to vent without judgement.  I was going through the worst of my eating disorder and needed a place to find a community that understood and that i could vent to.  I no longer use the account that served that purpose, and honestly, twitter is hardly something i use these days.  I started Instagram when it first came out because i thought it was cool.  I hardly used hashtags, and I just liked being able to add filters to my pictures. Since then, I overuse hashtags, i try too hard to get likes on my pictures, i stress myself out with trying to do 8 Instagram challenges at once- again to gain likes, and none of it is worth it or necessary- for me.  Facebook is Facebook.  I mainly use it to see funny videos and stay in contact with my family.  I hardly post to it and I will continue to keep my posting to a minimum.  

When i first started a blog, i was a sophomore in college.   I blogged as a way to journal without having my hand cramp up.  My original blog is long gone- my Dad was scared that random people could search my name and read my blog. Now, the majority of people who read this blog are random strangers.  Its crazy how things change.   But as things have changed, i have lost myself in social media.  I have taken away from spending time with myself.   Take social media away, with no one to like what i do, and what do i want to do for myself?   Social media became a way for me to seek validation.  To know that what i was doing was okay, because, someone liked it.  How screwed up is that.  Now I'm taking the time to figure out myself, to find what it is i really enjoy, to find my path and to stop giving myself the should talks.  There are lots of could've would've should'ves in life, but the more we dwell on those, the more we start to have negative conversations with ourselves and begin to put ourselves down.   Instead, lets talk ourselves up.  I don't need someone to like a picture or a status to know that I'm amazing.  

Today, i challenge you to stop giving yourself the should talk, and start building yourself up. 

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