Thursday, February 13, 2014
Why
This will be my first non fitness post. Next Friday, I turn 28. Im over obsessing about it and my life as to where I am right now. I never thought I'd live past 25. I even constantly told my mother id be dead before then. And I was almost right. In January of 2011 I mixed drugs and alcohol into a deadly combination and put myself into a 3 day coma. After that I didn't change anything and just went right back to the bottle. Today I can admit I have had ups and downs. Relapses along the way. I got sober at 24 and spent my 25th birthday in jail. I have relapsed and gotten sober again since then and am stronger now. The fact that 28 is a week a way is really fucking my mind though. After my drinking career and my 17 year long eating disorder which has had me hospitalized over a handful of times, why am I still here? Why? What is Gods plan for me? I feel like I am stuck in a place I don't belong and should've left years ago, but here I am. I have learned all I can do is trust. Trust that God does have a plan for me. That greater things are yet to come and I was left for a reason
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You are here because you are a beautiful person. You are here because you realize that things are not perfect but you are picking up the pieces and moving forward with your life. You are here because you are loved. You are here because God wants you to be here. Only He knows when it is your time, but I heard once that you aren't taken until you have done all the work He has set out for you. I heard that at a funeral for a 2 year old girl. She did everything she was supposed to in her two short years of life, and for most it takes a lifetime. You still have people to touch with your story. You have overcome a lot, and are still doing so. Life will be a constant battle, but stay strong and know that no matter what, there are people that love you even if it doesn't feel like it. Remember that you need to love you, and with an ED I know that is a difficult task and a lifelong battle but continue moving forward, and learning from your mistakes. The countless times in rehab for it have given you tips on how to manage whether you were ready to hear them at the time or not. You can do this. You can do anything you put your mind and your heart to. But you will not succeed until you really want to succeed. You have much to teach people about overcoming such large obstacles. You are an inspiration and will continue to be, just keep up the work Kat. You are beautiful. Love you.
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