No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine

Hi everyone! It's been about two weeks since my last blog, which in turn means i haven't really had much to blog about.  I was doing a great job running at the beginning of the month, I felt motivated, rejuvenated and ready to conquer the world. Sounds great, right!? So what happened to me!?...honestly I'm still trying to figure that out.  I got hit with a wave of laziness, but its more than just being lazy.  I started to think to much, and when i think, i over think and get completely stuck in my head. When i do that, i ultimately take myself down this path of deep sadness and self deprecation.  When I'm feeling that way, i don't have the motivation to do anything except lay around and mope, thus, i haven't been out running. I know, boo hoo.

Thursday, Sept 6th, I got in a good run. I ran 3.05miles at an average pace of 7'18" with a time of 22:18  I had been really stuck in my head that day, so i made a point of getting out of it.  I only worked until 2 so after work and a brief nap, i geared up and headed out!  Having been lazy and not running the day prior, i was feeling like a whale. I ran along the lake making a point to stop at the "workout equipment" on the lake front.  I did 30 minutes of abs and strength training and than finished up with a small run.  1.01miles.  I ran SUPER slow but it was more of a warm down run than anything so I'm not going to freak out.  I ran in 8:13.  That day was good, i felt a TON better after having gotten in 4.06miles and some other working out. 

After that day, things nose dived. I feel victim to depression and misery.  Misery loves company, and it sure as hell had me as its companion for more than a few days.   My next run was 4 days later, Sept 10th.  (last week Monday).  Due to my job, Monday is my Sunday, so i was off work and had nothing to do.  Running is a great way to fill time! I went on a noon run; i like to run when the sun is at its peak so i can feel the heat, I don't like having to cross the street to avoid shade.  I enjoy a good sweat and a great way to achieve that is to run with the sun beating down on me.  I ran 4.04miles in 29:43 with an average pace of 7'21".   Mile times are as follows: M1: 7'07" M2: 7'25" M3: 7'36" M4: 7'16"

Of course, after Monday came the work week, and me being my typical self, i put tons of pressure and stress on myself to get things done and done perfectly. I filled up my days with too much to do and left myself no time to run until Saturday.  Saturday, i had a daddy-daughter date. My dad and i went out for breakfast at a place called The Pancake House (not to be confused with the chain ihop)  I had the chocolate chip pancakes :) MMMMmmm delish!  It comes with 5 medium or regular sized pancakes, a side of chocolate sauce AND a side whipped cream.  I was in food heaven.  After breakfast, we headed down to my apartment to watch Milwaukee's infamous "Al's run and walk"  The route for the race runs right past my apartment, so My dad and i decided we'd stand along the curb and cheer on the runners. I had a good friend who was running and i wanted to be able to yell out some extra encouragement to him.  He was so excited to see me. It was an awesome feeling knowing I had positively impacted someone.  Even just for a brief moment.   After watching everyone running, i felt motivated and ready to run myself.  I am making a point to sign up for the race next year! Its a 5 mile race, so i know i can handle that.

As soon as my dad and i said goodbye, I idashed up to my apartment and quickly changed and headed out the door. I needed to get myself going right away, before i risked losing my motivation and becoming a couch potato.  I turned up my music and got my Nike+ started. Recently, I created a running mix for myself and said goodbye to Pandora radio.  I switched to an iPhone at the end of July and it took me until the first week of September to actually put music on it and than another week until i created my workout play list.  So, i had the sun shining and my tunes going and i was off.  I ran my old route, which i now have memorized as to where the "mile markers" are.  I did 3.1 miles in 21:45 average pace was 7'00".  Miles times: M1: 7'07" M2: 6'57" M3: 7'01"   I made a point for that run to finish right back at my apartment, however, once finished, i didn't feel ready to be done.  So i decided i wouldnt be; I took 5 minutes to stretch and than turned my music back on and started again.  I was feeling sore and my muscles were tired.  My body could tell i hadn't run in a few days, and it does not like that feeling!  My muscles ached and i got pretty mad at myself for having not run (and as i write i haven't run in 2 days).  I ran 3.7 miles more in 28:19  average pace was 7'39"  my first mile was the slowest and fell in the 8 min range the other 2.7 were in the 7 min range.   I felt great after finishing.  My body was sore and i knew i had actually accomplished something for the first time in a few days.  Sunday, i didn't run. GAHHH!! Monday, i was out running.  I had nothing to do, again, my day off.  I was lucky that the weather was in the 70s and the sun was shining :)  I ran 7.02miles in 53:55 with an average pace of 7'41"  In the process of this run, i encountered a substantial amount of inclines.   Mile times are as follows: M1: 7'13" M2: 7'14" M3: 7'35" M4: 7'32" M5: 8'05" M6: 8'21" M7: 7'44    Not the best at maintaining pace, but i did 7 in under an hour so i will take that.  I probably could have squeezed in 8 if i stepped up my pace.   And now, here i am, its Wednesday and i haven't run since.  I had the opportunity to run yesterday, and in the afternoon, but was too afraid of the wind and the cold.  I don't deal with cold very well.  Today, i didn't have to be to work until one, so again, i could've gotten up and run, but instead i slept in, til 11. Holy geebs! I am normally up by 8 on my days off, so having slept until 11 was very shocking.  i guess my body was trying to tell me something.  I woke up feeling good and not tired, which is a change.  i normally have to drag myself out of bed and hook myself up to an IV of coffee.  Tomorrow i wont run either as im at work from 745a-8p. Friday-Monday i have no excuses though! And the work week will be back to normal next week, as in i wont be having to close, so again, i have no excuse to not be running.  I really need to step it up.  I set a goal for myself to lose 10lbs this month and run 135 miles.  Ive lost 0lbs and my stats to date for this month are as follows:  47.2 mi run with an overall avg. pace of 7'38".   I have 11 days to run 88 miles if i want to make my goal. Looks like ill be running 8 miles a day fro the rest of the month.  I dont like failing, even when its just a goal ive set for myself. Who knows, maybe saturday ill get up super early, run 10 miles, rest and than run 10 more later that day.  I have odd spurts of intense motivation.

until next time...may your shoelaces not come untied

Suck-it-up-ember

Okay, ill admit, I'm not the most clever person and i am quite terrible at making jokes and saying witty things, but if people can have Novembeard than i can at least try to make a play on words here.  I last wrote about my 10 mile morning adventure.  Since last Saturday, i have 3 more runs completed.   

Saturday, not only did i wake up early and run 10 miles but i also was non stop busy.  I stopped and had my free coffee, spent a good hour on the phone catching up with this person and that person.  Than i went to Alterra for more coffee! While there, i had some 'homework' to work on.  I of course got sidetracked reading. I'm a bit of a bookworm.  Than i had lunch with my dad, ran some errands, got a new tattoo, went to a meeting and than finally crashed around 10pm.  So, come Sunday, I SLEPT!!  I got up around noon, ate a pb&j and went back to bed til 3.  Come 330 i was out running.   I ran 5.14miles in 39:34 holding a 7'41"pace.  Not the greatest pace, but i have to give myself a bit of slack since i did a longer run the day prior.  I'm not going to list the times by mile, instead I've just posted a picture of those times from my Nike+ app below.

Come Monday morning, i was feeling quite rested, so when i out of the blue woke up at 4:30am i just stayed up.  I got busy taking care of some emails and next thing i knew, it was 5:30. Well, i might as well go for a run since i had to be at a meeting at 7am anyways.  Lacing up my running shoes is exactly what i did :).  I knew i wasn't going to be able to run 10 miles because by the time i actually left my apt. it was already 6am and i had a time limit.  I started my run the same way i had on Saturday but mixed it up as the clock ticked down.  I ended my run right where i needed to be and with enough time to grab some water and take a few breaths before the meeting started.  Monday's run was a total of 6.10miles in 45:29 with an average pace of 7'27".  On Monday morning, i also got to catch one of the most breath-taking sun rises i have seen.  Picture is below.   The times per mile for this run are as follows:  M1: 7'28" M2: 7'26" M3:7'13" M4: 7'23" M5:7'26" M6:7'46"   I credit mile 6 being slower to running about half a mile uphill.  I'm still developing holding my speed on inclines.

Tuesday, i set out to run around 3pm, however, i kept running into people i knew. I'd get about a block, run into someone I knew and end up pausing to talk for a a good half hour.  I didn't bother with my Nike+ until 430.  I FINALLY got in 3.73miles in a time of 26:22 ( It felt a lot slower than normal) Average pace was 7'02"  Mile times are as follows: M1: 6'36 M2:6'43 M3:7'28"  I think i felt i ran slower than normal, because i ran different than i normally do.  What i mean by that is normally as i run, especially only 3 miles, mile 2 is the slowest.  Here, i struggled to maintain pace and gradually decreased. Not my best run.  I started off the run with a lot of down hill action and near the end, i was facing the same incline that slowed me down the day before. Not trying to make excuses for my slow time, just the run instead. Near the end, I was also feeling some pain in my knee.  I have gone about 3 weeks now running without my knee brace, and i can tell i went down those hills with a bit too much vigor.  Today i plan to run, and i feel like a massive beached whale, so id like to run until my body is 10lbs lighter; however, that is not possible and i do need to do an easy recovery  run sometime soon.  I guess ill see what happens once i get out there.

Until next time, keep one foot in front of the other...

Good morning world!!!

The first 3 days of September have been very nice to me. Or maybe, for once, I'm just being kind to myself. Saturday morning, I instinctively woke up at 5:15. I was unable to fall back asleep, so after laying around for 15 minutes I got up and decided to go on run; If I can't sleep i might as well be productive. I had already promised myself the night before that i wound run 10 miles that day so why not get it done and over right away. The morning sun was just starting to peek out. The world is so quiet and peaceful at such an early hour, especially on a Saturday! I had mentally prepared a bit of the route I'd run prior to heading out. I figured having the first 6miles planned was a good start and i could figure out the rest as I ran.

On mile 3, I almost got choked up...I became overwhelmed with the beauty of the morning. At such an early hour, i felt so peaceful and serene. The sun was starting to rise and all I could think was "Thank you God". If it were not for my higher power, I may not have my sobriety and it is  because I am sober that I am able to get up at 5:30 and run 10 miles. On September 1 last year, I was sitting in the hospital. I had been admitted to detox on August 22 and after the detox phase, I was court ordered to stay as I was considered a risk. Not a risk to others but to myself and my health due to having, once again, an extremely low weight. It's amazing how things change in a years time. Here I am now, sober and healthy.

At mile 7, I decided to run along the pier. I've never done that and was feeling "adventurous" . My dad was a bit nervous when I told him this detail, as the pier is what all the break water crashes against. He was just a worried dad, afraid that I could have slipped and been "swallowed into the sea". It was exhilarating to run. I had the break water splashing into my face and I had such a great rhythm going. I felt a genuine sense of happiness. Maybe it was just a runners high, but I find it's in moments like that, that I feel my higher power with me. I have been reconnecting to my spirituality a lot lately and have found that while running its a great time for me to pray, give thanks and just talk to my higher power. 

I started feeling thirsty around mile 8.5 so I decided I'd make a point of ending my run in front of Starbucks. I'm on very good terms with those Baristas' and was able to walk in all sweaty and out of breath and have a free venti coffee handed to me as well as a venti ice water. The water was the reason I stopped there, the coffee was a plus:) I love them!

When I was on the middle of mile 8, my mind started to race. I started thinking "hey if you feel this good having gone this far maybe you should just do 13.1 and get a half out of the way" than I would argue myself with "well let's get the first two sets of 5mi out of the way before you think about adding 3 more".  I didn't do a "half" but maybe next weekend if I happen to wake up early again, ill give it a shot. Never say never ;)

Over all, i was very satisfied with how my ran went on saturday. I went into the run with "low" expectations of myself.  I mentally prepared myself to be okay with holding an 8min pace, and thats what i did.  I went for distance and not speed. If only i didn't have to look "to the 9's" at work, I'd get up early every day and run. But since i have to look good at work, ill just keep running in the hot mid-day sun during the week.
Here is the overview of Saturday's run:
Run @ 5:54am, temp: 68F Total miles: 10.35 Time: 1:25.03 average pace: 8'13"
M1- 8'14" M2- 8'20" M3- 8'43" M4- 8'26" M5- 8'08"
M6- 7'56" M7- 8'06" M8- 8'07" M9- 7'55" M10- 8'33"

unitl next time...

Every day is a good day when you run

I'm not sure if anyone reads this blog, and honestly, I'm writing it for myself. If someone chooses to read it, thank you! I hope I'm able to inspire you and motivate you to get off the couch and put on your running shoes.

I took a few days here and there off from running. My body needs rest and pushing myself every single day to run hard and run fast is going to wear me out quicker. On Monday, I had a decent mid-afternoon run. Completed 3.51 miles in 23'25" with an average pace of 6'40 per mile. M1-7'12" M2-6'19" M3-6'25. Was a slow start, but I eventually picked up my pace. Running my first mile in the 7min range did get me bogged down. Its unacceptable to me; however, I'm someone who is never satisfied with results. I can always find a flaw and a reason as to how and why it should've been better.

Tuesday I wasn't able to run as I had a 7am commitment, was at work from745a-715p and than was late to a 7pm commitment. Afterwards I had dinner plans with my best friend:) and thank goodness i did for i was famished as I hadn't eaten yet that day.

Wednesday, I felt a bit groggy and "out of it" but made myself run. The sun was hot that day. I put in my headphones, started blaring my pandora radio dubstep station and was off. I felt great and was feeling the speed. I decided I was going to go a hard mile. I finished 1mile in exactly 6"00'. "Wow, that's great" you say, well I was pissed!! Really, I was that close to a 5 minute time and I blew it! Was it the cross walk or because I had to run around the woman walking her dog?! Heaven forbid I actually just accept that time. I rested for about a minute and that reset my Nike+. I cant end my day having run just one mile. That would be pointless. So i was off again. I ran another 1.69 miles. The 1st mile I knew wasn't going to be faster and it wasn't. I started off with mi 1 at 6'53' I only got in 11'44" minutes more after that first 6min mile. I would have kept going but my body sent me a signal to stop. A block away from my house I was bent over and heaving. I guess milk and pb&j an hour before running is a bad idea. Due to the abuse I have put my body through and sadly still put myself through, my stomach doesn't digest food very quickly. My body takes twice as long to digest food as a "normal" persons. But this is a blog about running and not food, so moving along...

Thursday, I was getting anxious jitters sitting at work. I couldn't wait to be done for the day and get my run in! It was all I could think about. I needed to make up for my "fail" from the day prior. The first thing I did when I got home was change as quick as I could and bolt out the door. The open road was waiting for me, calling to me. I decided I would run along the lake front that day. There's a "workout" area that I wanted to check out. (Since i moved in may I have yet to get a gym membership) I ran 3.02 miles in 23"03' and ended right at my destination. My time was slow compared to normal but my body was tired and screaming at me for a nap. The average pace was 7"37'. Eeekk!! That didn't sit well with me. I didn't run a single mile under 7. M1-7"20' M2-7"40 M3-7"42'. I finished my run and right away started doing upper body strength work as well as some abdominal work. I pride myself on my 6pack :)

Today, I had a great run but I will write a separate blog about that later as this one is getting a bit lengthy. Until next time, may the wind be at your back :)

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'"
Peter Maher

Unexpected times

This past Friday, after my two day break, and the whole passing out incident, i laced up my running shoes and off i went.  I was functioning on little sleep, had just worked a 12 hour day, and had very visible bags under my eyes, but not running was not an option.  I decided to switch up my normal route and headed down to the lake front.  The weather was pretty nice out (temp of 74) and once i started running any thoughts of tiredness dissipated.  I ran a small amount (3.07miles) as i was tired and didn't want to overexert myself.  Mile 2 i was faced with a few bouts of steep inclines and got stuck at a stoplight cross walk.  I thought for sure that mile 2s time was going to be around 8 minutes, but i was very pleasantly surprised.   I finished out mile 3 fairly strong, negative splitting, which always makes me happy.  The mile times are as follows:  Mile1: 6'34" Mile2: 6'52" Mile3: 6'28" completing 3 miles in 19'55" and than added in the .07mi for a finishing time of 20'10" .  Average pace was 6'33"per mile. Not bad if i may say so myself.  I seem to always run my best/fastest when I'm completely drained and worn down.

Saturday, i got in an early morning run.  I knew i had a busy day in front of me and wouldn't be able to have time in the afternoon.  I was a tad groggy and wasn't in the mood to run, but i dragged myself out of bed and did it anyways.  I decided to run the reverse of the route id run the day before.  I ran 3.03miles in a time of 21'27" holding an average pace of 7'04".  Not as good as the prior evening, but hey, i cant be a rock star every time i run.  Mile 1 was slow and i could feel it in my body.  I felt like i was on empty. Mile1:7'15" Mile2:6'47" Mile3:7'12" finishing the 3mile mark in 21'13" 

I have not run since Saturday, and i feel okay.  I'm not aching for a run or freaking out about my level of in-activeness.  Quite honestly, i feel exhausted and would much rather take a nap then put on my running shoes.  However, today is beautiful out; its a perfect day for a run.  I might have to go fuel up, take a cat nap and push myself a bit.  There really is no gain without a tad bit of pain.

"If you don't ever stop singing, your voice stays in shape. It's like the marathon runner.  You've got to run, run, run to stay in shape"  ~Sammy Hagar

You're allowed to hit the pause button

Today is day 2 of not running. My body has been pretty worn down and quite honestly I haven't been taking the best care of myself. My "break" is one that is much needed and that my close friends have been pleading me to take. Today at work, I briefly passed out. The world went dark and I was gone for about 30 seconds. Unfortunately, this is something that I am accustomed to. I don't pass out a lot, anymore, but it is known to happen to me more so than the "normal" person.
I'm slowly learning how to take better care of myself and how to fuel my body. Just as I am a constant work in progress, so is that.

I still might run tonight, it's yet to be determined. Running brings me a relief. It's a way I'm able to isolate myself from everyone with out being frowned upon. My mind is a constant roller coaster of unorganized thoughts, especially lately, so not running it a huge deal for me. I'm learning how to calm my mind and my racing thoughts without having to over exercise. I tend to put myself in overdrive quite often and constantly forget to hit the pause button. Lack of nutrition, constant running and functioning on 4 hours of sleep a night caught up to me today. I know what I need to do, it's just doing it that i struggle with. I'm already playing around with the idea of a late night run. I'll only do 4 miles. I figure I already passed out once today, it can't happen again, right!? I know, wrong. it can.

On Monday, I did a recovery run, or that's what I'll pretend it was. I ran 4.04 miles. Time of 28:41 with an avg pace of 7'06". Mile times are as follows: mile 1- 6'47" m2- 7'05" m3-7'15" m4-7'16". I held a decently consistent pace but could tell my body was feeling tired on the last two. Tuesday was more so a recovery style of a run, in my mind. I ran 3.06 miles with and avg pace of 7'07" so pretty consistent with the prior day. On mile two I got a sharp pain in my chest that affected my breathing so I had to pause and walk a tad to regain my breathing rhythm. Mile 2s time shows that something was up. Time by mile: m1-6"40' m2- 8'06" m3- 6'45".

Today I tried to sign up for a 5k on sept 3 but the website was being frustrating and didn't process my registration, they did however take my money. A stressful situation like that is something that makes me want to hit the pavement and get lost in my music and adrenaline. I know it will all sort out eventually. I will run that 5k even if I have to register the day of. If I keep training at a consistent pace I will hopefully run sub 20. That would make my day. It's only 3.2 miles and I can do that in my sleep :)

Thats all ive got today, so until next time, I leave you with this:
"Anybody can be a runner... We were meant to move. We were meant to run. It's the easiest sport."
-Bill Rodgers

Vibha Dream Mile 2012 10K

This past Sunday, i finally put myself to a challenge again.  I competed in a 10K.  I know, only 6.2 miles, so really how much of a challenge could that be for someone who runs daily?! I may run daily, but i never run against others, i run against the clock.  This time i was against the clock, others, and the pressure to be the best.  I didnt get 1st place so i failed at being the best, but i did get second in my age division.  Not what i wanted, but meh, its also not the end of the world. If it were, id have run a lot faster!

I got down to veterans park right as registration opened. I have this obsession with being super early every where i go. I got my number, #233, pinned it to my shirt and went to find an isolated area to calm my nerves and stretch out.  Im not typically a nervous person, especially for a competition that frankly, means nothing, but this day, i was.  I am the type of person who puts grandiose expectations on myself, so i was feeling the pressure. As i warmed up, i started to observe the other runners arriving.  My thoughts were racing, "that woman looks like she works out" "her legs are so muscular, she must be a good runner" things along those lines.  I didnt have much to worry about though, as i finished pretty well ranked.

The race started a few minutes late, and i did my best to keep my mind from racing.  I placed myself at the front of the starting line, i knew thats where my best chance was to find someone to pace myself with.  The race started off great, i had my techno music blaring and was feeling good.  My mind just couldnt shake my nerves though, i was over thinking and psyching myself out.  Come mile 4 i was starting to have self doubt and was yelling at myself for signing up to run a 10k.  Mile 4 is where i lost my lead.  I gave up for a few minutes.  When i checked my Nike+ to see how i did on time for each mile, my defeat and bad attitude were noticeable at mile 4 (my slowest mile).  Once i hit the next water check, i realized i was almost done.  A mile and a half to go.  I started to pick up my pace and decided i wouldnt let another person pass me.  In fact, i was going to start to pass up those who had slipped by me!  Rounding onto the last stretch, the grass was lined with people cheering the runners on.  They have no idea who i am, but here they are cheering for me and encouraging me.  I couldnt help but smile and feel an extra boost of energy and motivation.  I had a little over half a mile left, but i could see the finish line.  I picked up speed and sprinted the rest of the way. I did pass another runner and that was a boost to my confidence.

Overall, i had a really enjoyable experience running the 10K and i do plan to sign up for it again next year. Next time, howerver, i plan to claim first place and run a faster time.  I held a pace of 7'37 per mile and finished in 47:17  Im not ecstatic with that time, but im not going to lose any sleep over it either.  I can make excuses as to why i ran slow, such as i ran 6.05 in 42 min 2 days prior, i smoke, i didnt fuel my body correctly, but excuses mean nothing.  Point blank, thats the time i ran and nothing can be changed about it.  I just have to take better care of myself prior to my next race, and quitting smoking would help too.  I finished 2nd in my age division, was the 4th woman to finish, and overall i placed 13th out of 96. I guess i did okay.  The winner ran in 38:27 holding a pace of 6'12.  i had a chance to speak to him afterwards and he told me 3 years ago he ran a time of 47, so there's hope for me! My goal was to go 43 but obviously that didnt happen.  Until my next race, ill just keep logging the miles and pushing myself to the extreme, because I of course know how to do nothing in moderation :)

Until next time, keep on keeping on