Motivating Factors

Do you ever find yourself wishing you were the way you used to be?  I don't wish to be who i was, im glad im who i am today as ive grown a lot and i believe that everything happens for a reason.  But, when it comes to running, i find myself constantly look back at 2 years ago and last summer.  I was in better shape, i was more motivated to run, and i was faster.  I was also insanely alcoholic and pushed myself harder in my running then i should have (thus constant nagging pains and injuries) because i felt i had to "punish" myself for having had drinks the night prior.  My mantra then was "no pain no gain".  Lets just say, I gained a lot of pain, more then i should've.  I didn't listen to my body.  I risked injury after injury.  Two years ago, i pushed myself to do an 8mile treadmill run with a pulled hip flexer and held an average pace of 6:20 per mile. Not only was that a horrible and stupid idea, but i risked hurting myself so much more.  So, why am i constantly focusing on the way i ran then?  Because, then i had motivation, be it a bad reason, but it was there.  I was dedicated to running.  I had to prove that i could run- who i was proving this to, im still not sure, but i was doing it.   But, life changes, things happen, and i lost a bit of motivation along the way.

Last week, i was felt motivation coming back.  I was jazzed up, registering for races, planning workouts, making schedule, posting to LiveForFitness LLC facebook page, doing multiple yoga practices- I was feeling like "ME" was coming back.

Then this week hit.  My fiance is on a business trip out of state and honestly, when he isn't around, i lose hope. I feel like a lost puppy. I have moments of motivation.  Moments of "yes, ive got this" and 10 minutes later I find myself sitting on my couch, watching reality tv and saying "I'll run tomorrow" or "I'll go to the gym tomorrow"  All i hear from myself are EXCUSES!

I am an athlete, I am a runner.  Yet, i act like a lazy bum and give up so easily.  Is it part of the depression im battling, yes, but its lack of hope, lack of motivation and self-doubt.  

I have always been good at what i do. I have always striven to be the best.  To be better then the best.  

"Good, better, best

Never take a rest

til your good is better

then your best"

And recently, i haven't been my best- or close to it.  And its been a very defeating feeling.  Im not used to feeling out of shape and having trouble breathing while i run.  I finished my half marathon in June and had to go straight to a med tent and get an oxygen mask.  That is not what im used to and does not make me feel like im a good athlete.  And i don't want to be good, i strive to be great.   This week, i have slacked.  I ran a strong (for the shape im currently in) 4miles on Sunday, and have had yet to lace up my running shoes since.  I lost motivation.  

I just really needed to get that out there.  I would love to hear how any of my readers have pushed through similar situations or what helps you get past loss of motivation and put your running shoes on! 

Until next time: