In my last post, i talked about facing life and going out of your comfort zone. Something that is not very easy for me. I love structure and routine. I like having things planned ahead- to the very last detail and minute. Sure, I can be easy going and one who "goes with the flow" but when doing so, my mind is having a mini panic attack. When things don't go my way, or the way i think they are supposed to go, i shut down, i give up, i cry. I can revert to the behavior of a six year old. Why do i act this way, why do i give up and shut down? What is stopping me from moving forward and letting go?
Fear.
I like things orderly and planned so that i don't have to worry about the unknown. The unknown scares me- because i have no control over it. I like control. It's comfortable- it's part of my comfort zone. I like knowing when and where i am going to be eating ahead of a meal time- that way i can prep my mind for the menu, for the calories, and for the pep talk i have to give myself that eating is okay. I need my Garmin watch to work properly at all times and to track my pace and mileage. I need to know exactly how far i have gone and at what pace so i can figure out what i need to work on to improve.
Everything i just mentioned, doesn't always happen. If I show up to an event with a group of friends who decide to go out to eat somewhere I've never been, then i have to go with the flow, or i can be anti social and no fun and go home. Technology isn't perfect, GPS systems can fluctuate or have malfunctions, i can make errors and not hit start when i thought i did, but i need to learn that its okay. I'm running and that's what matters. I got up off my couch and hit the pavement. That's more than others can say.
My comfort zone may feel safe and having everything planned out may be comforting; however, its not always good for me. I put myself in a position to melt down, to freak out, to give up. I expect so much from myself that i forget how to enjoy the moment and live in the now. To appreciate what i can do. And to be grateful for all that i have.
I don't really know where i was trying to go with this post. I guess i just needed to get my thoughts down. I'm able to look at what I've written and reflect.
This past week i was out on a run and my Garmin didn't unpause- it was my fault. And i gave up. I was stuck in my head. I forgot to be grateful for the fact that i can still get up and run.
Today, i registered me and my fiance for 2 races in September. The Brigg's & Al's Run and Walk - its on September 19th and we will be running the 8K and the Brewers Mini Marathon + 10K on September 26th- running the 10K. My goal is to run in 1 or 2 races per month, every month. If i am going to do that, i need to remind myself to stay grateful and not take advantage of the fact i can run. My knees are slowing deteriorating and surgery is a possibility on the not to far horizon, so i need to appreciate what i have while i have it.
What do you do when you feel down or in a funk?
Are you racing anytime in the near future?
What can you do today to get out of your comfort zone?
What are 5 things you are grateful for?
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